LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – A Chinese man was arrested for creating a fake U.S. Army unit and convincing immigrants that joining the squad was a path to citizenship, authorities said.
Yupeng Deng, 51, allegedly gave his recruits military uniforms, had them parade in a Los Angeles suburb and took them to the decommissioned USS Midway aircraft carrier, which is a museum in San Diego.
Deng charged more than 100 fellow Chinese nationals a fee of between $300 and $450 to join the fake Army unit, according to the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office.
Okay, I spent a lot of years in the US Army and I look back on my experience in the Army mostly with a sense of fond nostalgia with a few instances displeasure, but there is no way in Hell I would have paid the Army to let me serve. I mean, if somebody came up to me and said that I would no longer be getting paid but instead would have to pay for the privilege of serving in the Army I would have told them to suck an egg (and by “egg” I mean “penis”). I mean, I understand that these Chinese guys that this other Chinese guy duped really wanted to become citizens, but PAY to serve in the Army? Really?You’ve gotta be friggin’ kidding me.
This is how that “recruiting” session would have gone with me:
Chinese guy: (in thickly accented English) You join Army. It good.
Me: Join the Army? Hell yeah, I would love that.
Chinese guy: Okay. You pay me now.
Me: You mean you pay me, right?
Chinese guy: No no no no. You pay me. Army is privilege.
Me: Wait, so you want me to sleep in housing deemed unfit for prison inmates, eat food that homeless people would refuse, get a haircut like a chemotherapy patient, and wear clothes that look like a monster from the movie “Tron” threw up, and you’re not only not going to pay me, but you want me to pay you?
Chinese guy: Yeah. It good. You pay.
Me: Suck it.
Chinese guy: Egg?
Me: Penis.
