Posts Tagged ‘Washington’

Lunatics Breach Base Security At Nuke Storage Facility

Friday, November 6th, 2009

It always makes me feel good to know that a bunch of AARP Peacenick commandos can breach security at one of our nuclear facilities.

BANGOR, Wash. — Five anti-war demonstrators — including an Oakland man — were arrested after cutting through a security fence at the nuclear missile storage facility for Trident submarines at Naval Base Kitsap-Bangor.

The Kitsap Sun reports they carried a banner that said, “Disarm Now Plowshares: Trident: Illegal and Immoral.”

Navy spokesman Chris Haley says an alarm went off when the group entered at 6:30 a.m. today, and they were arrested on suspicion of trespass and destruction of government property, cited and released.

The five are identified as 81-year-old Catholic priest Bill Bischel of Tacoma, 83-year-old nun Anne Montgomery of New York City, 65-year-old Susan Crane of Baltimore, 60-year-old Lynne Greenwald of Bremerton and 60-year-old Steve Kelly of Oakland.

And from another article…

“So it was with hammers like this and our own blood that had been drawn by a medical professional that we went into the base in the hope of beginning that disarmament process, symbolically,” Crane said.

The hammers were to bang on the bunkers holding the weapons. And the blood?

“We mixed our blood together and we put it in baby bottles because children are the most killed in war,” Crane said.

The protesters, who range in age from 60 to 83, cut their way through a perimeter fence. They said they walked 4 hours and cut their way through two more fences before they got caught.

So considering they were bringing in hammers and blood in baby bottles, is this simply a trespassing charge or can they be charged with something much more serious? Let’s hope it’s the latter.

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I Guess Regular Strip Poker Wasn’t Sufficient

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

LAKEWOOD, Wash. — Troopers have arrested a man and a woman accused of damaging at least 14 vehicles, including a State Patrol car, by throwing rocks onto them from a railroad trestle over Interstate 5 near Lakewood, Wash., as a part of a bizarre stripping game.

Trooper Guy Gill says 23-year-old Joshua N. Sizemore and 18-year-old Amanda L. Madison were tossing baseball-sized rocks from the trestle early Monday. Sizemore, of Tacoma, and Madison, of Lakewood, were booked into the Pierce County Jail in Tacoma, Wash., for investigation of malicious mischief and second-degree assault.

Troopers on the ground were assisted by a State Patrol airplane that captured video of two people throwing rocks from the trestle. Investigators say Madison was in her underwear when the couple were arrested.

Oddly enough, Joshua Sizemore will soon be playing strip poker of an entriley different type in jail. The one part of the prison version of the game that is similar to the overpass version of the game is the tossing of rocks… his cell mate’s.

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If You Outlaw Dish Detergent, Only Outlaws Will Have Clean Dishes

Monday, March 30th, 2009

It was only a matter of time before the overzealous “Green” Nazi’s ran headlong at Mach 3 into the wall of reality.

SPOKANE, Wash. – The quest for squeaky-clean dishes has turned some law-abiding people in Spokane into dishwater-detergent smugglers. They are bringing Cascade or Electrasol in from out of state because the eco-friendly varieties required under Washington state law don’t work as well. Spokane County became the launch pad last July for the nation’s strictest ban on dishwasher detergent made with phosphates, a measure aimed at reducing water pollution. The ban will be expanded statewide in July 2010, the same time similar laws take effect in several other states.

But it’s not easy to get sparkling dishes when you go green.

Many people were shocked to find that products like Seventh Generation, Ecover and Trader Joe’s left their dishes encrusted with food, smeared with grease and too gross to use without rewashing them by hand. The culprit was hard water, which is mineral-rich and resistant to soap.

As a result, there has been a quiet rush of Spokane-area shoppers heading east on Interstate 90 into Idaho in search of old-school suds.

The new definition of “Green”: crappy and ineffective, yet hip enough to become law.

New “Green” initiatives coming soon:
-new “smart cars” that don’t go anywhere on only 50 gallons of bio-diesel,
-tofu covered animatronic deer so wolves can go vegan
-hemp bondage gear so that San Fran’s annual pride parade can be more eco-friendly
-making all new military products (tanks, guns, planes, ships, etc) out of 100% reused and recycled materials so that the earth doesn’t get hurt (even if the troops do)
-all natural herbal and botanical mind control agents to get people to buy into the idea that “Green” everything is a good idea

Look, I’m just as big a proponent of “don’t pollute,” “re-use and recycle” as the next guy, but mandating the use of “green” products that just don’t work via rule of law is not only stupid, it’s the government sticking its nose in where it doesn’t belong. As for me, I’ll wash my dishes any way I damned well please. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a date with a dirty coffee cup and some muriatic acid.

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Tragedy

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

FORT LEWIS, Wash. – A 16-year-old girl was found dead and another teenage girl was discovered unconscious in a barracks on this Army base south of Tacoma, the Army said Monday.

In a statement issued about 36 hours after base emergency personnel responded to a 911 call early Sunday morning, Fort Lewis spokesman Joe Piek said a Madigan Army Medical Center doctor declared one girl dead at the scene. The second teen was taken to Madigan for emergency medical care and was reported in stable condition Monday.

Before the IVAW set gets on its high horse and talks about how this kind of thing is symptomatic of an institutional mentality that supports misogyny, violence, and unethical behavior I would like to note the following: this is a tragedy, but this is also isolated. This girl’s death is likely the result of stupidity and/or foul play but it is no way indicative of the Army or its soldiers as a whole. The news lately has been rife with stories of murdered co-eds and college date rape, but higher education as an institution isn’t regularly skewered for its alleged lax moral standards like the military is.

The death of this girl is a tragedy and the responsible party or parties will most likely be found and brought to justice, but those parties will be individuals and do not represent the entire Army nor the values the army espouses.

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And Just Think: This Is The Kind Of Stuff He Does When He’s NOT Drunk

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

SOUTHWORTH, Wash. – A man trying to loosen a stubborn lug nut blasted the wheel with a 12-gauge shotgun, injuring himself badly in both legs, sheriff’s deputies said.

The 66-year-old man had been repairing a Lincoln Continental for two weeks at his home northwest of Southworth, about 10 miles southwest of Seattle, and had gotten all but one of the lug nuts off the right rear wheel by Saturday afternoon, Kitsap County Deputy Scott Wilson said.

“He’s bound and determined to get that lug nut off,” Wilson said.

From about arm’s length, the man fired the shotgun at the wheel and was “peppered” in both legs with buckshot and debris, with some injuries as high as his chin, according to a sheriff’s office report.

“Nobody else was there and he wasn’t intoxicated,” Wilson said.

Okay, now somebody please tell me at what point does the thought “Well, the WD-40 isn’t working… so I guess what we really need here is shotgun” flash through a man’s mind? I mean, other than in prison.

Seriously though, what the hell would possess someone to use a shotgun to try to repair a car? And why, oh why, are we rendering medical care to people that are that stupid? In the wild, if a squirrel decided that the best way to open a nut was to crush it between a bear’s jaws he would be summarily eaten and thus his mentally inferior genetics would be skimmed off the gene pool. In ancient Sparta, the unfit were tossed off of a cliff. In America, they’re given a Chilton’s guide, a box of ammo, and Medicaid.

I mean, is it that hard to borrow an impact wrench? Seriously.

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Hell Hath No Fury…

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

VANCOUVER, Wash. – A woman is accused of shooting her husband four times with a 16-gauge double-barreled shotgun after learning of an affair.

Eddie Martin, 51, survived the attack, but may have to have a limb amputated. Sheryl Martin, also 51, had to reload after the first two shots.

Helpful hint: If you’re going to tell your wife of 30 years that you’ve been having an affair and you want a divorce, hide ALL of your firearms, knifes, flammables, clubs, car keys, etc. Better yet, if you’ve been married for 30 years, just keep on trudging through because you pretty much passed the point of no return more than a decade ago.

Most guys lose an arm and a leg in a divorce, but this time it may be literal… the doctors say that he may lose a limb due to his injuries. When asked why his wife went on the rampage, Eddie Martin said “I’m stumped.”

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“Milking The Goat?” So That’s What They’re Calling It Now?

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

Apparently that’s what you call screwing a goat now. Well, at least that’s what it’s called if you’re 63-year-old Arthur Lawton and you get caught putting the tsatsiki in a future gyro at Eatonville’s Pioneer Farm Museum in Washington state where he worked. Lawton vehemently denies the charge and said that he was only milking the goat… with his pants down.

Lawton is the second man charged with bestiality in Washington after the state legislature made it crime. That’s right, the second. The first guy that got charged was acquitted of playing “fetch the bone” with the family pit bull. Oh, and the best part is why Washington State made it illegal in the first place: because a DUDE got killed having sex with a horse. That’s right, he was on the receiving end of Mr. Ed’s Mr. Happy.

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DC Rollergirls 30 June

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

Yes, a roller derby event in Sterling on the 30th.


I now feel like an viral astroturfing shill.

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Please Tell Me The People Who Did This Met Their Overdue End In A Horrible, Flaming Ball Of Death Under A Tractor Trailer Full Of Gasoline And Feces

Monday, May 28th, 2007

ORCAS ISLAND, Wash. – Vandals burned dozens of small American flags that decorated veterans’ graves for Memorial Day and replaced many of them with hand-drawn swastikas, authorities said Monday.

Considering I spent a chunk of my day picking up and/or straightening little American flags in our local, National Cemetery this kind of vandalism really, really gets my blood boiling. I hope that when these scumbags do meet their end, they’re met by legions of my deceased brothers and sisters in arms… all of whom have borne witness to their disrespect and malice… and all of whom bear phantom versions of the arms which they carried in life so they can make these bastards suffer for an eternity.

As for straightening and picking up the little flags… well, they were placed their by fourth graders. I not only appreciate their effort, but I considered it an honor to be able to help set their errors right. Moreover, my family watched me and joined in my efforts allowing me to set a good example.

And once again, thank you to the American Legion for replacing the flags that the vandals desecrated.

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