This may be the most amazing thing I have ever, ever seen in my entire life.
This takes Kegel exercises to a new height while simultaneously taking my depravity to a new depth. Although this woman may seem like a dream come true to a lot of guys, remember this: she has the vaginal strength to turn your manhood into something that resembles a balloon sculpture down by a half-drunk cross-eyed clown. Caveat humptor.
Okay folks, this week is a rarity. Every so often I get fan posts coming through here and this is one of them… for a good cause no less. I’m sure you’ve all heard of Relay For Life which is a benefit that helps cancer research and victims and such. Well, our Tuesday model this week is on a Relay For Life team and is trying to raise money for her cause so she’s enlisted my help via a Tuesday post. Her name is Kristina Divine… seriously, that’s her real name.
She’s a school teacher out in California who contacted me a while ago and asked why we don’t nuke her home state… which grants instant kudos in my book. She has a blog about kids writing deployed soldiers, sailors, and marines over in the sandbox and that gained her a slot on the blogroll. Anyway, she told me recently about her participation in Relay For Life and asked me if I could put a post pimping her team so I agreed. I told her that Tuesday’s get the most traffic and, well, this came up. I think it’s a “win-win” situation. 
I’m sure the first thing that you’re noticing here is the Relay For Life sticker on the car and her Relay for life t-shirt, right? Good for you! Now, if you would like to donate to Mrs. Divine’s worthy cause there are several ways to do so but the basics are as follows: You can donate directly to her team here: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/wordsforwarriorslinked or you can donate directly to her here http://main.acsevents.org/goto/kristinadivine. 
Either way, you’re doing a good thing. Oh, and she’s married so don’t even try to ask for contact info beyond her donation site you pervs. 
And you’re helping a teacher help her students help cancer victims of all sorts. And she’ll be seeing this post so please let her know if you liked the pics. And whatever you do visit her site and throw a fin or something her way. Tell her The Sniper sent ya’.
Good luck, Kristina.
Okay, today’s theme is this: Hot For Teacher. Why? Dunno. Just so… so here we go.
You will write 100 times “I will not make lewd comments…”
Yes, as a matter of fact I AM paying attention ma’am.
I never, ever had a teacher like this one.
Math: My new favorite subject.
I’ll be in my bunk.
Today marks the beginning of the end for our old friend TSO. As you all know, he’s getting married despite the fact that his bride to be isn’t blind, pregnant, or terminally ill (his usual prerequisites) so this is pretty much the last day that he’ll be allowed to see Tuesday Titillation without having to sneak a peak at home or risk losing his job by oggling the goods on his work computer. For that reason, I mean to make this Tuesday a spectacle. I plan on on posting not one but several TT posts of varying types to mark the demise of TSO’s bachelorhood. So let’s start with a video or two. These is safe for work, but just barely so. The first is to show our friend what he’ll be missing and to warn his fiance not to let him sign up for an aerobics classes.
The second is a warning to him as to what could happen to him if he foolishly signs up for an aerobics class with a hidden agenda and thinks that Caro won’t find out and seek retribution.
You’ve been warned my friend. Oh, and don’t think that just because the woman on the last video looks like a female body builder that Caro can’t crush your melon just as quickly and easily… all women can. They have a special enzyme that is released within their bodies when they get pissed off that triggers Incredible Hulk-like strength in their thighs. Hell, paraplegic women can do this if you piss them off enough.
Considering the previous post profiling how far women will go for the perfect derriere and in honor of the perfect buttocks that the world lost with Miss Argentina’s passing I present you with this week’s Tuesday theme: Nice bottoms. 
Remember, never leave your buddy’s behind.
And ergo we’re going with a holiday theme for this week’s titillation: Pilgrim and Native American detente.
The first people here were the Indians/Native Americans/whatever name we’re using these days, and it was good.
Then came the Pilgrims and they were pretty good too.
Then the native women taught the Pilgrim women to loosen up.
And things got better.
And because the Native American women taught the Pilgrim women to loosen up and have fun, we now have sexy costumes and role playing… and for that we are now eternally grateful.
This Tuesday’s theme isn’t really a theme per se, but more of a block of instruction on the art and science of camouflage. I’m going to show you pictures of women attempting to camouflage themselves and then critique their efforts individually. I think this will be a learning experience from which everyone will find something useful to take away. 
This first one is easy. The girl isn’t even really trying as you can see from the lack of camo, the black uniform (black isn’t really a naturally occuring color in nature… at least not in abundance), and the highly polished boots. Sniper bait.
This next girl is almost invisible…. except for the shiny, jingly belly button jewelry and completely un-authorized necklace! Good lord! Hasn’t she ever heard of light and noise discipline not to mention AR 670-1?!? 
This next girl is doing everything right as far as her cammo technique is concerned. She has no jewelry, subdued makeup, and appropriate cammo pattern. But she has made one critical error… she’s silhouetting herself on that bridge! Rookie move!
Now these two illustrate the never ending debate about woodland cammo pattern vs. digital cammo… but neither one is really effective if you’re wearing shiny bracelets and belly button jewelry! Come on ladies!
Now this woman has it down pat… almost. She’s made another rookie error and that’s lack of paying attention to detail. White underwear? Really? So what happens if you have to drop a deuce in the field and Charlie or Haji or Chester sees your glaring white underwear? That’s right, you’re hosed.
And last but certainly not least is one woman who got it right. No shiny bling. No noisy jewelry. Good use of natural cover and concealment as well as terrain appropriate camouflage. Hell, it’s almost impossible to see her but if you look really hard you might be able to make out bits and pieces of her outline. She’s a pro folks.
If you want to see more pics like these, check out Coed Magazine… they have a hundred of them.
H/T to Claymore. Muchos gracias amigo.
I got a request for a Tuesday Titillation from someone who is totally not TSO. He was at his girlfriend’s (totally not Caroline) parents house this weekend trying to take a nap while watching football, when his girlfriend (again, not Caroline) decided to play Captain TV and change the channel. She settled on the Food Channel.
There this person (not TSO) found his new celebrity crush in the personage of Claire Robinson. She may cook like Rachel Ray, but unlike Rachel, Claire isn’t sporting a dong.
She makes food. Apparently. I don’t know, the guy who wasn’t TSO wasn’t really paying much attention with the pillow in his lap.
Not sure why she is on food channel, when she should be on some really, really crappy Sci Fi specials where basement dwelling guys (except TSO) could lust after her as she wears next to nothing. This guy mentioned something about wishing he could get his hands on her tomatoes.
Anyway, this dude told me he was praying that the faucet would break and she would do the rest of the show in a dripping T-shirt. And when she talked about “forking the meat” he may have had an “oopsie.”
This is her with Chicken, or maybe beef. Either way, just check out her totally delicious looking sweet potatoes.
The Guy who is not TSO said he was totally into her elf ears and her lack of an upper lip. I think it might have been the Schwilman who sent it to me.
My internet issues have been resolved and I am now back on to bring you my tainted version of the world’s happenings. This week is going to be a little different because I’m not going with the usual theme of scantily clad women but of women that completely out of their dates’ leagues. Yes, I talking about Russian mail order brides. They’ve got beautiful faces, smokin’ hot bodies, ice cold water in their veins, and and cold, hollow pits where their hearts should be. Don’t get me wrong, some women from the former Soviet Union actually do come here for the sake of love and I’ve actually known one that refused to come to America and wanted her fiance to move there… but those Russian women are few and far between. THe majority of Slavic seductresses trying to get over here on a fiance visa will do their two years as a wife and then the minute the paperwork clears she’ll be off on her own. Think of it as a form of prostitution because in all actuality it is. You’ve heard of pay for play, just think of this as play for stay. I also know that some guys can be hideously ugly and still manage to land a hot wife (I know this from personal experience) but you better have either a) a Rock star career, b) a ton of money, c) horse genitalia, d) an awesome sense of humor, e) washboard abs and pecs the size of paving stones, d) immense power, or e) any combination of the aforementioned… in fact, it should probably be “e” if you want to keep her. That being said lets take a look at the gals that are trying to land their golden tickets and the suckers that aregoing over to get them. I’m calling this post “Disparate Housewives”.
A May-December romance… no really, that’s how long it will last.
Just keep that wallet out fat boy. At least the round trip tickets, the visa application, and the wedding will be cheaper than one of his trips to the grocery store.
“… and I’ve got a 67th level dwarf accountant on World of Warcraft.”
The girl right next to him can’t even hide her disdain for one picture.
What he’s thinking:”I hope she doesn’t notice that I just climaxed.” What she’s thinking: “Jackpot!”
“Sheep don’t count? Well shucks, I guess I am a virgin after all.”
What Alla was thinking: “I am geeving heem 8 months maybe until he dies. I am can tollerating wrinkle sex for eight months.”
They were a perfect match: Yulia had never seen a penis and Wayne hadn’t seen his since the Clinton administration.
[Insert fat pedophile joke here.]
Dude, seriously. After 8 months in the states she’s going to make like your underwear and leave skid marks when she steals your car and makes her getaway.
Yeah I’m pale, plain, and weakly. Mock me all you want Mr. Sniper… but I’m the guy drinking vodka and chillin’ in the sun with three smokeshows that I’ll be oil wrestling later. Blog on douchebag.
I guess the last guy has a point. As long as you know what you’re getting into, who am I to spoil your fun?
Pictures from LiveLeak
This is Denise Milani
She has no idea what a drink costs because she has never, ever had to purchase one herself.
She has 30,000 friends on FaceBook and MySpace. That’s 3,000 less than the number of friend request rejections that she’s returned to me.
She’s not actually wearing a silver bikini top… it’s a solar cell with enough surface area to provide electricity to most of Southern California. The silver bottoms run the coolant system for the bra.
She has never worked as a secretary because no married man that wants to stay that way would hire her, no single man would ever get any work done with her in the office, and women that look like her don’t need to type 75 words per minute.
Mere mortals such as myself (and most of you) will never see her like this in person.
And most of us would even get rejected from seeing her like this in our imaginations.
I’ll be in my bunk… getting rejected.
This is Jamie Eason. She is about as close to the perfect specimen of a woman there is. Please visit her site here. Oh, she is also the new military test for the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. They show you a picture of her and if your pulse doesn’t skyrocket they throw you out… it’s even worse for guys.
It’s rare that such beauty exists in the world…
But I’m SOOO glad that it does.
This is Jason Lewis. I have NO clue who the hell he is, and I’m too lazy to do any actual research. But he’s my age, so I don’t feel like a damn child molester when drooling over him. He’s so hot, it’s scary, and he has pretty eyes.
I ran across him on the web. I don’t care if he’s dumber than a box of hammers. He’s pretty to look at.
I’m happy just being able to ogle him.
And the fact that he doesn’t mind removing most/all of his clothing is a big plus!
Enjoy, ladies…
When I was in Kosovo, I got hooked on the Showtime series “Sleeper Cell.” Honestly, there wasn’t much from Showtime I DIDN’T get hooked on while over there, but that’s beside the point. My Tuesday pick is Michael Ealy… God, those eyes!!!!
Oh so pretty!
OK – not so much on the fugly shirt, but those eyes!
I just want to eat him up!
How, oh HOW, did he get so damn hot?!?!? The series was completely unrealistic, but I just sat back and enjoyed watching the scenery.
I know, I know. I’d probably hate him in real life. He’s probably one of those insane Hollywood drink-wheat-grass-wear-hemp-badmouth-your-country types, but he’s pretty to look at, so I’ll be in my bunk.
