Posts Tagged ‘Stupid’

North Korea: Sad, Pathetic Joke Or Dangerous, Sad, Pathetic Joke?

Friday, March 29th, 2013

North Korea is rattling sabers again and this time it is almost more laughable than the previous times. From CNN…

(CNN) – North Korea’s leader approved a plan to prepare standby rockets to hit U.S. targets, state media said Friday, after American stealth bombers carried out a practice mission over South Korea.

In a meeting with military leaders early Friday, Kim Jong Un “said he has judged the time has come to settle accounts with the U.S. imperialists in view of the prevailing situation,” the state-run KCNA news agency reported.

Why is this time more ludicrous than the previous threats, nay, ALL of the previous threats put together? Because North Korea only does this because they cannot feed their own people and this is how they try to extort money out of the US so they don’t start a war. Previously, the US in weaker administrations has just sent money. Normally, I would have guessed that this administration would have done the same but here’s the rub: we don’t have any money. The joke’s on him because there just isn’t any money to give. It’s like that one annoying kid who comes trick or treating multiple times on the same night until the candy runs out and threatens to egg your house when you don’t pony up any goodies. Well, the candy has run the hell out and now this d-bag is threatening to throw his one or two eggs at a chicken farm. We don’t have any money to give them, but we sure as hell have a lot of nukes we would be glad to send their way. If nuclear arsenals were penises Kin Jong-Un would be, well, a fat Korean guy going up against the porn star that is the US nuclear stockpile.

Think about this: we sent Dennis Rodman to talk to these people instead of, say, anyone in the State Department. We sent Dennis Rodman before we sent the lowest guy in the mail room at Foggy Bottom. That’s how scared we are not of North Korea. Seriously.

North Korea threatening the US with nuclear strikes is about as impotent of a threat as an eighty pound Korean eunuch with whiskey dick (can a eunuch even have whiskey dick?) threatening to molest a prison full of linebacker-sized, Shawshank Redemption-esque shower rapists looking for a bitch: sure they can try, but they’re not going to like the end result. Seriously: if they try this carp, they’re getting Sanduskied. I know North Korea is starving, but there has to be a better way for them to finally get to toss a salad than this.

It’s Freedom To Peaceably Assemble

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

Once you drop the “peaceable” part, it’s on.

When Ignorance And Stupidity Collide At Mach III It Looks Like This When The Dust Settles

Friday, October 14th, 2011

WARNING: This video contains such massive amounts of stupidity that your IQ could conceivably drop a full point for every second you watch it. If you watch the whole thing, you may qualify for the Special Special Olympics.

Chaz Tse-dong here should hop on a plane and go to China so he can see just how he really gets treated there. What a friggin’ idiot. For further reading on this subject, I suggest you read The Spider Eaters or just about any other novel or historic work on China’s history.

H/T to TSO at TAH.

Because The Best Way To Get To Heaven Is To Shoot Your Coworkers

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

The motive in a workplace shooting in Eugene may be the ribbing one employee took from a co-worker after the predicted May 21 rapture failed to occur.

The mother of the victim told The Register Guard that her son said Dale O’Callaghan took it personally when he was needled about his belief that he would be taken to heaven by the return of Jesus Christ.

Eugene police say O’Callaghan shot Jerry Andrews on Friday morning at LHM Hydraulics, where they worked. Andrews suffered a fractured shoulder.

The Register-Guard reports a police affidavit says that Andrews told investigators O’Callaghan called him “one of those Satanic people” after the shooting.

If the people that are going to be swept up in the Rapture are the ones busting caps and the “Satanic people” are the peaceful ones that aren’t shooting innocent people I think I’ll be hanging out at the Black Masses from now on. Besides, the Black Masses have a full bar from what I hear. Seriously though, this kind of fanatical devotion and blatant disregard for reality isn’t religion; it’s fanaticism. This is no different than an Islamist shooting up a building. Anytime a religion that is supposedly based on peace results i violence, it is no longer a valid religion in my book: it’s a cult.

Touchy Feely PC BS

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

I am all for equal pay for equal work and all that jazz. I am also all for people being treated fairly, but there are limits to equality because of one simple fact: all people are not equal. In theory, it’s a really nice concept but it just isn’t reality. In theory, theory is the same as practice; in practice, it is not. I’ll give you an example: I was on a work site all week doing a remodel on a Buffalo Wild Wings. The entire time I was there I saw only a handful of females on the job site and the ones I did see were either a) visiting to look at the work, b) moving the food back in toward the end, c) part of the cleaning crew, or d) the store manager that came in kicking ass when one of the sub contractors screwed up. What I did not see, however, was a lot of hammer-swinging women. In fact, I didn’t see any. The one girl I did offer to loan my drill to said (and this is a direct quote) “I wouldn’t know what to do with that. I would probably hurt myself with it. I’m just a girl.” Men and women are not equal because we are not the same. I am not saying that one is better than the other, I am saying that we are vastly different. The strongest man is still stronger than the strongest woman and always will be. The fastest man is still fastest than the fastest woman and always will be. Every woman on the planet can lose a higher percentage of blood than most any man on the planet because women are used to it. Intelligence? That one is a give or take. But we are NOT equal because we are NOT the same. That being said, this is some serious PC bullshit:

STOCKHOLM (AP) — At the “Egalia” preschool, staff avoid using words like “him” or “her” and address the 33 kids as “friends” rather than girls and boys.

From the color and placement of toys to the choice of books, every detail has been carefully planned to make sure the children don’t fall into gender stereotypes.

Breaking down gender roles is a core mission in the national curriculum for preschools, underpinned by the theory that even in highly egalitarian-minded Sweden, society gives boys an unfair edge.

To even things out, many preschools have hired “gender pedagogues” to help staff identify language and behavior that risk reinforcing stereotypes.

They don’t use actual pronouns? WTF?!? Gender stereotypes? Sorry twits but that isn’t nurture, that’s nature. You can’t force people to be who they are not and boys and girls are boys and girls.

Lego bricks and other building blocks are intentionally placed next to the kitchen, to make sure the children draw no mental barriers between cooking and construction.

Look, I like to cook. In fact, I love cooking. I am good at it, too. Really good. The best chefs in the world, in fact, are mostly men. How putting Leggos next to a kitchen breaks down barriers is beyond me. Oh, and if they are trying to equate the importance of cooking vice the importance of construction they are missing the boat on that too because guess what? If I fuck up making breakfast the worst thing that happens is that breakfast tastes like shit. Worst case scenario? We go to IHOP. Worst case scenario if I fuck up building something? People die. They are about as equal to each other as duck farts are to tornadoes.

Director Lotta Rajalin notes that Egalia places a special emphasis on fostering an environment tolerant of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. From a bookcase she pulls out a story about two male giraffes who are sad to be childless — until they come across an abandoned crocodile egg.

Nearly all the children’s books deal with homosexual couples, single parents or adopted children. There are no “Snow White,” ”Cinderella” or other classic fairy tales seen as cementing stereotypes.

Well that makes total sense because a gay couple adopting a kid is exactly the same as a couple of gay herbivores adopting a top tier carnivore. The lesson these kids will learn from that book? If you are a gay male couple and you adopt a kid it will eventually kill you and eat you when it matures. As for almost all of the books dealing with homosexual couples, single parents, or adopted children, well, that is going to fuck these kids up beyond all recognition. Sorry folks, but the vast majority of people on the planet are not gay or adopted so making these kids think that they are is setting them up for failure. Live and let live is all well and good, but demonizing traditional families by marginalizing them or even ignoring them is flat-out bullshit. Studies have shown that children are, by and large, better off in a solid two-parent family and that there is a correlation between crime rates and behavioral problems among households headed by a single mother.

Jay Belsky, a child psychologist at the University of California, Davis, said he’s not aware of any other school like Egalia, and he questioned whether it was the right way to go.

“The kind of things that boys like to do — run around and turn sticks into swords — will soon be disapproved of,” he said. “So gender neutrality at its worst is emasculating maleness.”

Egalia is unusual even for Sweden. Staff try to shed masculine and feminine references from their speech, including the pronouns him or her — “han” or “hon” in Swedish. Instead, they’ve have adopted the genderless “hen,” a word that doesn’t exist in Swedish but is used in some feminist and gay circles.

Great. So they not only are cutting off the dicks of countless little boys they are making them dumber by using made up words that don’t mean jack shit. Seriously. We have language for a reason and that reason is to communicate. Making terms that are specific more generic just to be PC isn’t helping the kids; it’s making them dumber. Seriously. Imagine this conversation between two friends… one of whom graduated from the gender neutral school:

Gender Neutral Grad (GNG): I have a friend that wants to date you.

Normal School Grad (NSG): Um, cool. What is her name.

GNG: Its name.

NSG: Its name? Why “its” name?

GNG: Because you are unfairly gender stereotyping it.

NSG: Well, it is a girl, right?

GNG: Helllllllllo! It’s a person first you know.

NSG: Well, what kind of genitalia does “it” have?

GNG: The appropriate genitalia for its gender.

NSG: Which is?

GNG: Dammit you’re a bigot!

NSG: Holy shit! I do NOT want to end up reaching my hand down “its” pants and finding a seven inch spitting clitoris and a ball sack! At least tell me “its” name.

GNG: Chris.

NSG: That sounds like a dude’s name. Or a girl’s.

GNG: It is!

NSG: Which?!?

GNG: Yes!

NSG: I fucking hate you.

GNG: See? Normal school fills you with hate. You should go to gender neutral school.

NSG: You should go fuck yourself.

At least the pshrink at UC Davis realizes this is bullshit.

The Breck Girl Goes Down

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

WASHINGTON – If the case against former presidential candidate John Edwards goes to trial, prosecutors plan to use his own emails with a former aide to help prove a key element of their case against him.

People familiar with the case told The Associated Press that Edwards and his former speechwriter Wendy Button exchanged emails working on a draft statement for him to acknowledge what he had denied publicly — paternity of his out-of-wedlock child, along with knowledge of payments to keep his pregnant mistress in hiding.

The messages, draft statements and notes of their related phone conversations were obtained by prosecutors in their case against Edwards, indicted on charges he failed to report nearly $1 million allegedly spent to keep his mistress out of the public eye as he pursued the White House. The former senator was still denying he was the baby’s father and publicly maintained he knew nothing about any money that may have been spent when the emails were sent in summer 2009.

I just despise this guy. So your wife is dying of cancer and instead of being by her side and supporting her like you are supposed to, you have an affair and dump a million dollars of hush money into the skank’s pie hole to shut her up before she goes and has your bastard child just a short time before your real wife (who has put up with all of your shit and supported your political aspirations and bankrolled them, to boot) dies? Yeah, you deserve to go to jail, asshole. Even if there wasn’t a real legal reason for Edwards to spend a couple years being broken down like a shotgun and perpetually reloaded in a prison shower by a large men with names such as “Cletus” and “Bubba” and “Trey” and “LaTwan”, they should make one up just so he can get hermetically sealed in his prison cell night after night and understand just how violated his wife felt.

And in other news of infidelity:

(JTA) – The U.S. House of Representatives approved Rep. Anthony Weiner’s request for a leave of absence.

Weiner (D-N.Y.) requested a two-week leave of absence in order to enter a treatment center to deal with his addiction to having inappropriate online relationships with women.  He reportedly entered treatment over the weekend. House memebrs approved the leave request Monday with a unanimous voice vote.

Calls for Weiner to resign have mounted from his own political party, including from Rep. Debbie Wasserman Shultz (D-Fla.), chairman of the Democratic National Committee, and Rep. Steve Israel (D-N.Y.), chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee.

House Majority leader Eric Cantor (R.-Va.) last week called on Weiner to resign, and on Monday he suggested that Weiner should be stripped by his party of his place on the House Energy and Commerce Committee, his only committee assignment.

This is almost as bad; maybe worse. This douchebag goes and has numerous improper relationships with numerous women, gets caught (because he is about as smart as a bag of hammers), denies it up and down to the point where he is screaming at reporters asking him questions about the scandal, slanders a blogger by saying it is a lie set up by the right wing, finally admits that it is him (because nobody is stupid enough to buy his story, then he not only refuses to resign but asks for and receives a paid leave of absence to go pretend that he is getting treatment that will stop him from being the asshole that he is. Awesome. Your tax dollars at work, folks.

I Love The Alamo Cinema Draft House

Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

In case any of you have never heard of such a place, the Alamo Cinema Draft House is pretty close to heaven in my humble opinion. What it is is this: a cinema that serves food and (more importantly) beer and wine. I now get to watch my favorite movies AND drink a beer. I used to do this anyway but now I can do it legally without having to sneak in my usual per-movie beer volume which is somewhere around a six pack… of kegs. Alamo is found in only two states in the United States: Texas and Virginia. Texas has a bunch of locations but there is only one in my home state and I can proudly proclaim that they saw fit to put it in my town. THANK YOU ALAMO!

The aforementioned info in and of itself is cool but not really worth a blog post BUT what happened with and by Alamo is very worthy of a blog post. You see, Alamo has a pretty good record of keeping the viewing experience pleasant and civil for all involved… unless you aren’t pleasant or civil. If you fall into the latter category they will rake you over the coals and mock the shit out of you and THIS is why I really love them. Enter the douchebaggette. The douchebaggette is not a loaf of French bread in a shower, but an asshole who was texting in the movie theater (which they PLAINLY explain is grounds for getting your inconsiderate ass booted), was warned TWICE to stop it or she would get ejected, ignored the warnings like the self-centered, inconsiderate, rude, and arrogant bitch that she is, and was summarily ejected out of the theater sans refund. Apparently douchebaggette was so incensed that she called and left a drunken message explaining how she took umbrage at being held to the same standard as everyone else in the world. Alamo quickly turned her drunken rant into a PSA.

And that is why I like Alamo. As the folks at the Alamo say:

“Ma’am, you may be free to text in all the other theaters in the Magnited States of America, but here at our ‘little crappy ass theater,’ you are not,” he wrote on the Alamo Drafthouse’s blog. “Why you may ask? Well, we actually do give a f*$k.”

Douche-tastic

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

This has to be one of the most infuriating, self-aggrandizing, clueless asshats I have ever seen in my entire life. I am speaking, of course, of Logan Price: Pantywaist Extraordinaire. But why? Why must you malign this man so, Mr. Sniper-guy Sir? Well, first off quit calling me “sir”. Secondly, well, read on…

On a fifty degree afternoon in Washington, it is less than tempting to strip one’s clothes off and stand naked in the cold.  When you happen to be at the entrance to the State Department, and there is a solid line of news cameras trained on you, it is even less so. Or so I discovered.

Staring at the cameras, I had a minute to consider how I would be ridiculed by people like Washington Post blogger Dana Milbank.  But it wasn’t a very long minute.

The net contribution of people like you and I, Dana, will always be minuscule in comparison to that of Bradley Manning , who may be the most important whistle-blower if our time.  But I wanted to do my part.

Our military has sent so many of my peers – idealistic young Americans – to die painful and horrible deaths or come home wounded and traumatized from a war founded on lies.

Okay, I decided not to reprint the entire “article” in toto because it just such a cornucopia of bullshit that it would take eons to rip it apart piece by piece not because of the complexity of his arguments, but because of the sheer volume. I’ll concentrate on just two, I think.

Point number one: He calls Bradley Manning a “whistle blower” and “important” instead of using the more accurate terms “mentally unstable traitor” and “idiot”. Spewing all of the state secrets that you have taken an oath to protect when that kind of disclosure is not only not in the public interest, but is in fact devastatingly damaging to our national interests, national security, and the very lives of our soldiers, sailors, airmen, marines, and intelligence service operatives as well as our human assets from other countries abroad is not “whistle blowing”; it’s treason. Manning isn’t a hero, he is a villain. He didn’t do what he did to inform the average citizen in America of crimes against them or of a diabolical p[lot to rid them of their rights; he did it because he was pissed off at the Army, pissed off at his boyfriend, and pissed off that he wasn’t in charge of the world and he wanted to embarrass his country. He’s not an icon of freedom, but the antithesis of all that is right and good in this country: he is a worm.

Point two: That being said, he does have rights and those rights include keeping him safe while in custody including keeping him safe from himself. This is why his clothes were taken away from him (he had made threats of using his underwear to kill himself) and this is why he sleeps nekkid at night. Bradly Manning does not get to kill himself to make us look worse than he already has: we’ll take care of that at the appropriate time thank you very much. But what Logan the professional protester here is claiming is that we’re just doing this for spite. He is implying, nay, flat out stating that this is like Abu Graib and what we’re doing is torture instead of safeguarding the life of an obvious mental defect. This is ire-inspiring but what is really bad is…

Point three: This line: “Our military has sent so many of my peers – idealistic young Americans – to die painful and horrible deaths or come home wounded and traumatized from a war founded on lies.” Um, beg your pardon? Your peers? In just what universe, in just what reality do you DARE to call our men and women in uniform your peers?!? How fucking DARE you compare your dumb ass to them? They hang their asses out on the line every day for us and you show up once to a protest covering a dick with a placard that could have just as easily been covered with an index card and you DARE to act like you are their equals? Fuck You pal. You’re not of a high enough calibre to clean the dogshit out of their shoes let alone have the gall to call them your “peers”. And in case you haven’t noticed, hoss, the “war founded on lies” that you’re talking about is being fought primarily in Afghanistan now. You know, the home of the Taliban? You know, where they stone women to death for showing their faces? You know, the place that gave Bin Laden safe haven? You know Bin Laden, the guy that funded the 9/11 attacks? You don’t? Well, that doesn’t surprise me.

Alright, so I made three points but you get the idea. If I didn’t think he would linger too long, I would tell this moron that he can kiss my ass. Hey Logan, put your clothes back on, put the stupid sign down, and go home. Nobody wants your stupidity here. Bye bye.

Stand Back Folks: She’s Ready To Blow!

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

Anti-terrorist bomb squad experts were called to a post office in the northwest of Russia to make safe a package from which a strange ticking sound was coming, local police said Monday.

They found a vibrator.

I really have no idea what I could possibly add to this to make it funnier. I mean, seriously. Perhaps calling it a dildo of mass destruction? Calling it a “mail order groom”? Mentioning my shock that, because it was Russia afer all, that the vibrator wasn’t flaccid from from alcohol abuse? maybe that it was an actual, dismembered Russian penis that had been separated from vodka for so long that it had the DT’s?

Hell, if this had been in Japan they wouldn’t have even noticed the vibrating.

The Society Of Waaaaaaaaaaa

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

Really? They should have run down there to see if she was okay? Yeah, right. Here is how it would have gone down if I had been the security guard required to go down there and see if she was okay.

Sniper: Ma’am? Are you okay? I mean, obviously you’re an idiot for walking along and not paying attention to where you were walking and falling into a noisy 20 foot by 20 foot bathtub smack dab in the middle of the mall that even small children and blind people don’t fall into, but are you okay? I mean, other than the obvious mental retardation that causes somebody to think that texting their BFF about the big sale on purses at Macy’s is more important than their personal safety. So, in short, despite your blatant inability to avoid making an ass out of yourself in public, on film, and sober, are you okay?

Fountain lady: Yes.

Sniper: Okay. Oh, and I think your husband is a litigious douchebag and you two got what you deserved when you married each other. I hope the hell you don’t reproduce. Have a nice day.

Insert Foot A Into Mouth B

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Rick Santorum: the Republican that just happens to be best weapon the Democrats have against the Republicans. Read on…

“The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn’t want to answer: Is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no,” Santorum says in the interview, which was first picked up by CBN’s David Brody. “Well if that person, human life is not a person, then, I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, ‘We are going to decide who are people and who are not people.’”

Bad English combined with bringing race into the equation can only equal “bad”. Good job Rick. For his next trick, Rick will climb a bell tower with a high-powered rifle screaming about his Tea Party affiliations and throwing fetuses at school children. Just as smart.

Darwin, Australia

Monday, January 17th, 2011

No, not the town, the awards. Read on:

A couple floating down the Yarra River in Melbourne, Australia, on inflatable sex dolls have been saved by rescue crews after getting into trouble.

Police were called after the pair were spotted in the water at Warrandyte North on Sunday.

The pair, both 19, shouted for assistance after the woman lost grip of her sex doll and was left clinging to a tree floating in the river.

Police were unsurprisingly less than impressed at being called out to help the young couple.

The Russian writing on the doll says (from what I can read on it) “Pink Rabbit”. I’m guessing the couple was either Russian speaking or bought their cut-rate, non-safety-feature-equipped sex dolls from a Russian mail order catalog. If you must get something from a Russian mail order catalog, make sure it’s a bride like everybody else does. Also, if you are going to float down a river on a sex doll, make sure it’s a male sex doll so you have something to hang on to. Also, always go for the Caucasian sex doll if you have to float on it. African themed sex dolls kill in the track and field events but the Caucasian sex dolls always dominate the swimming events.

Hat Tip to TSO from TAH who saw this article while Googling “sex dolls” and “slippery”.

Like Hanging A Spare Set Of Keys On The OUTSIDE Of Your Front Door

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

CALEXICO, Calif. – A government agency on the front lines of the immigration debate has begun installing lifesaving buoys in a fast-moving canal along the U.S.-Mexico border where migrants drown each year as they sneak into the country illegally.

The debate over the lifelines has long presented authorities with a moral dilemma: Is it acceptable to do nothing when so many immigrants are dying in the water? Or do lifesaving devices lull immigrants into a false sense of security that they can conquer the channel while giving them extra motivation to enter the country illegally?

The agency that manages the canal had waffled on those questions as board members worried aloud that the buoys would encourage illegal immigration. But the Imperial Irrigation District reversed course in August and has been bolting 105 lines across the 82-mile desert canal at a cost of $1.1 million. Crews are also planting 1,414 bilingual signs on canal banks that read, “Warning: Dangerous Water.”

There was scant discussion about the sudden change of heart, but the catalyst appears to be a CBS “60 Minutes” report that portrayed the agency as indifferent and callous on the buoy issue.

This is just great. Instead of saying “hey, if you break the law by trying to cross this obviously lethal body of water you will probably get killed in the process” we put up flotation devices to encourage it. So now when they try to cross we will be assured of only getting the most fit and foolhardy illegal immigrants across and therefor assuring that only the dumbest, most physically dangerous criminals with the least regard for their own lives will be living among us. Awesome. Totally awesome. And why did this come about? Because a TV show said they were bad people for letting people that were breaking the law die in the process. By that rationale cops should not be allowed to carry guns because criminals might get hurt in a shoot out, the military shouldn’t be allowed to use guns, bombs, planes, etc against terrorists because those innocent “undocumented soldiers” might get killed, and we should install buoys across both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans at tax payers expense considering how many people have drowned there (which, by the way, is thousands of times more than have drowned in the All-American Canal) while smuggling or trying to torpedo our ships or some similar, innocent endeavor.

Absolutely unfathomably stupid.

Fire

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

In the beginning, man demonstrated his intelligence by harnessing the power of fire. Today, man demonstrates his lack of intelligence by setting each other on fire because apparently the sum total of every video game, board game, hobby, and sport isn’t enough to keep him amused.

Case number 1:
Dude #1: Dude, let me pour this kerosene on your back and light it on fire.
Dude #2: Dude, okay.

Case number 2:
Dude, I’m going to light my own face on fire.

Case number 3:
Dude #1: Dude, I’m going to light my arm on fire and then you put it out while he films it. Okay?
Dude #2: Dude, totally dude.

Case number 4:
Dude #1: Dude, I’m going to light his ass on fire.
Dude #2: Cool, dude!
Dude #3: *snore*

Case number 5:
Dude #1: Dude, we’re going to light you on fire, m’kay?
Dude #2: Dude, won’t I die?
Dude #1: Aw no dude, we’ll do it in the shower with the water on. It’ll be totally safe.
Dude #3: Yeah, we’re in college so we couldn’t possibly be stupid and stuff. It’ll be awesome and safe and awesome.

Do You Know The Difference Between A Fashion Fad And A Religion?

Friday, September 17th, 2010

Apparently neither do these people:

RALEIGH, N.C. – A soft-spoken 14-year-old’s nose piercing has landed her a suspension from school and forced her into the middle of a fight over her First Amendment right to exercise her religion.

Ariana Iacono says she just wants to be a normal teenager at Clayton High School, about 15 miles southeast of Raleigh. She has been suspended since last week because her nose ring violates the Johnston County school system’s dress code.

“I think it’s kind of stupid for them to kick me out of school for a nose piercing,” she said. “It’s in the First Amendment for me to have freedom of religion.”

Yeah! Give em hell Ariana! Wait, what? Oh, I guess you must belong to some Eastern Sect or something like that, right? I mean, your nose ring has to mean more than just a nose ring, right?

Iacono and her mother, Nikki, belong to the Church of Body Modification, a small group unfamiliar to rural North Carolina, but one with a clergy, a statement of beliefs and a formal process for accepting new members.

Nope. I guess I was wrong. The Church of Body Modification? Seriously?

Richard Ivey, the Iaconos’ Raleigh-based minister in the church, believes it’s a case of officials dismissing something unfamiliar.

“They’re basically saying, because they don’t agree and because they choose not to respect our beliefs, that it can’t be a sincerely held religious belief,” he said.

Ivey describes the church as a non-theistic faith that draws people who see tattoos, piercings and other physical alterations as ways of experiencing the divine.

“We don’t worship the god of body modification or anything like that,” he said. “Our spirituality comes from what we choose to do ourselves. Through body modification, we can change how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about the world.”

Wow. If I didn’t think this was such a tax-defying scam I might actually think that guy buys into his own bullshit. Now, according to his standards (“Our spirituality comes from what we choose to do ourselves”) then I could open up the “Church of Getting Piss Drunk, Pouring Myself Behind the Wheel, Driving Around Shooting Up The Neighborhood, and then Humping Your Mom, Your Sister, your Great Aunt Mildred, and your Great Dane” if that’s what made me feel good. Alcohol poisoning, mayhem, and crimes against nature can be soooo spiritual. In fact, I think I’ll dress in drag and call that my religion. I’ll call it the “Church of Wardrobe Modification”. That would make me feel pretty.

Here’s a heads up for you Ariana: just because you think it looks cool and it helps your self esteem doesn’t make it a religion. I mean, a nice shave and a haircut make me feel pretty good but I don’t worship the barber. And there have been numerous times that I have called out “Oh God!!!” during sex but you don’t see me trying to open the Church of the House of Hummers, do you?

Some people will try to get away with just about anything.

What a bunch of tools.