Okay, so I have been busy as a one armed man in an ass-kicking contest lately with school so I have been remiss in posting in a timely fashion with anything resembling volume or quality. I apologize for that. Now I am on Spring Break and had planned on posting more immediately after I finished a reading assignment for one of my classes but then the cable went out and ergo my high-speed internet access. Now I am back and I will try to do better at posting… well, at least for the next few days.
That being said, let’s play a little “catch up” shall we? First up, for your dining/drinking pleasure/displeasure:
But Willlllllllburrrrrrr, it's good for you.
Raise your glass if you fancy a shot of horse semen, a purported “delicacy” that will debut at the Wildfoods Festival in Hokitika, New Zealand, in March.
“It is sort of quirky, I suppose,” festival organizer Mike Keenan told AOL News, with Kiwi understatement.
“It is the protein of the stallion. It is going to be tastefully done.”
The shots, which will sell for $10, are pitched as being healthy energy boosters and will be available to sample as they come or in cherry, licorice or banoffee pie flavors.
Um, I think that, regardless of what flavor it “comes” in, stallion semen would just be nasty nasty nasty. I myself have tried that very same ruse on unsuspecting women (you know: “um, taste? Well, I suppose, erm, probably cherry or something like that.”) and to a number they have told me that my prognostications as to potential flavors was WAY off. If my teaspoon of chromosome pudding is that much of a rancid tongue shower I cannot possibly fathom just how physically revolting an entire shot-glass full of Mr. Ed’s Miracle Mayo would be. If you don’t have a gun to my head there is no way I am even going within ten feet of the vessel of vile, viscus victual let alone drink it. In fact, if the choice is drink or die, I might take the shot in the mouth from metal Colt before I would take it from an actual colt.
On the mechanical phallus/college professor scene:
Psychology professor J. Michael Bailey said he regrets hurting Northwestern’s reputation and “upsetting so many people in this particular manner. I apologize.”
The incident took place Feb. 21. After a class on human sexuality, Bailey invited students to stay for a discussion of sexual fetishes. He repeatedly warned that it would be graphic.
The discussion included a woman who stripped and allowed her partner to use a sex toy on her.
What they don’t mention in those few lines is that the sex toy was actually a Sawzall that was retrofitted to hold a dildo instead of a bi-metal blade. Basically the guy was jack-hammering her baby-maker with an actual power tool used primarily in demolition on a desk in front of a bunch of college kids the majority of which have never used either a reciprocating saw OR a dildo. Wow. The real horror of this is yet to come because you know damned well that some dumbass is either going to request to use this kind of thing or request to have it used on them and the builder will be so oblivious to what he/she is doing that they will just tape a dildo over a saw blade and forget that saws were actually designed to cut and that reciprocating saws were meant to cut wood, nails, plastics, dildos, vaginas, anuses, comforters, etc. But hey, isn’t that what college is all about? No? Your college experience wasn’t/isn’t like that? Mine neither.
So what next? Flying penises attacking Gary Kasparov during a political speech?
Um, well, I guess so.
