Posts Tagged ‘prison’

BUSTED

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

Douchey McChinpubes is in custody! Put one in the win column for the good guys!

When asked for a comment about his arrest, McChinpubes said “I am totally sad and stuff that I won’t be able to make a mockery of the service and sacrifice of US service members by parading around as one when I didn’t earn it… but at least where I’m going suits my lifestyle!”
Now you may be asking yourself, “how does Sniper feel about this?” Well, kinda like this…

Except I don’t dance as well.

H/T to Nixon for the dance video.

Livin’ The Sniper Lifestyle

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

drunk-babiesjpgCHATTANOOGA, Tenn. —  Tennessee investigators say a 4-year-old boy was found roaming his neighborhood in the night, drinking beer and wearing a little girl’s dress taken from under a neighbor’s Christmas tree.

The child’s mother, 21-year-old April Wright, tells WTVC-TV the boy “wants to go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.” Wright says she and the boy’s father are going though[sic] a divorce.

You say delinquent, we say prodigy.

Double Fatwa

Friday, October 30th, 2009

GoreVidal1I haven’t declared a fatwa in a while, but I think this guy really, really has it coming…

Author Gore Vidal says he refuses to feel any sympathy for Roman Polanski’s rape victim, whom he dubs a “hooker.”

In an interview with The Atlantic, the controversial 83-year-old author of such books as “Myra Breckinridge” and “1876” says of the director’s sex scandal, “I really don’t give a [expletive]. Look am I going to sit and weep every time a young hooker feels as though she’s being taken advantage of?”

The young woman to whom he is referring is Samantha Geimer, who was a 13-year-old aspiring model in 1977 when she was allegedly drugged and raped by Polanski

Isn’t that just awesome? I mean, blaming the 13 year old for being promiscuous all these years later? Really? Let’s say for the sake of argument that the girl was indeed a prostitute as Gore Vidal asserts… SHE WAS STILL ONLY 13YEARS OLD YOU SICK F***!!! So from what I understand from Gore Vidal, all johns bring drugs along with them so they can drug their prostitutes into compliance before they have sex with them, or is it just for the ones that are still in the SIXTH GRADE?

And what concrete evidence does Vidal use to support his nefarious claims?

Worse, Vidal claims that it is the media’s vehement “anti-Semitic and anti-fag thing” that led to the persecution of Polanski, who is Jewish and was born in Poland.

“The media can’t get anything straight … The idea that this girl was in her communion dress, a little angel all in white, being raped by this awful Jew, ‘Polacko’ – that’s what people were calling him – well, the story is totally different now from what it was then … Anti-Semitism got poor Polanski.”

Holy sheep shite. A secret cabal by the media rallied against the Jews, well this one particular Jew, because he was Jewish? Really? You don’t think it aaaaanything to do with the fact that he DRUGGED AND RAPED A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL? And just how the hell do you work in the “anti-gay” thing? Since when is poaching still-bare beaver “gay”? What a tool. Cry victim loud enough and maybe people will start to believe it, but not this time douchebag. This is the exact same kind of crap that the Taliban pulls… punish the victim, let the perpetrator go free. Not this time a-hole.

For this reason I declare a Sniper Fatwa on not only Roman Polanski, but Gore Vidal. Not because they’re Jews or Polish or “fags”, but because they are complete and utter idiots who deserve to get gang raped in a federal prison shower by about 15 large, violent inmates so they can finally grasp what the term “victim” actually means instead of what they’re trying to infer that it means.

This is Hollywood for ya, folks.

Hey, Hey, Hey… It’s Gaaaaatt Albert!

Monday, August 10th, 2009

fatalbertOkay, his name’s not Albert, but he is fat and he did have a gat…

HOUSTON – An obese inmate in Texas has been charged after officials learned he had a gun hidden under flabs of his own flesh.

Twenty-five-year-old George Vera was charged with possession of a firearm in a correctional facility after he told a guard at the Harris County Jail about the unloaded 9mm pistol. The Houston Chronicle reported Thursday that Vera was originally arrested on charges of selling illegal copies of compact discs.

Just imagine having to be the prison guard that had to reach up into his rolls of fat to get the gun out. Start uncontrollable shuddering in three, two, one…

I Think A Full Pardon Was In Order, But We’ll Have To Settle For This

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

Border Patrol agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean have been released from federal prison after serving more than two years in solitary confinement for the non-fatal shooting of a Mexican drug smuggler.

President Bush commuted the sentences of the two border guards Jan. 19, and his order will go into effect on March 20. The pair will serve out the remaining month of their sentences in home confinement in El Paso, Texas.
Welcome back to the real world, gentlemen. You did your job and you got the shaft, but a lot of Americans (myself included) are grateful for your sacrifices. The fact that these guys even served a day in jail just because they tried to keep our country safe from Mexican drug dealers is a crime in and of itself.

Well Duh

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

BLOOMFIELD, Ind. (Nov. 20) – Three male and three female inmates at a southern Indiana jail face charges that they devised a way to sneak between cell blocks to help pass their time behind bars by having sex.

The inmates figured out how to remove metal ceiling panels in the Greene County Jail and used the passageway more than a dozen times in September and October, according to court documents.

The men — ages 44, 38 and 17 — and the women — ages 27, 26 and 21 — crawled through the ceiling after midnight, having sexual encounters and drinking homemade alcohol that was found hidden in the male cell block, a police affidavit said.

One male inmate who was not charged said the female inmates would “hang-out, play cards or have sex with some of the male inmates” in their cell block, the affidavit said.
The men were 44, 38, and 17 and they were hooking up with 20 year olds? These aren’t criminals, these are heroes. Heroes I tell you! Not only did they manage to hook up while they were locked up, but in two cases they managed to hook up with women almost half their age. And these aren’t bad looking women… in fact, the majority of them could be described as above average. One of them (yes, among the two thirds previously mentioned) even looks a little bit like our very own Caro from USO Girls… not that Caro would ever do that sort of thing, but she is quite striking.

The article has pics of the guys too and as you can see, these guys really are not the epitome of the male model. In fact, their cred goes up in my book because not only did they do everything I mentioned before, but they had the additional handicap of looking like goalies for a dart team. Good goalies. Really good goalies.

In short, I commend these condemned men for the moxie, their ingenuity, their suave skills, and their taste… but not so much for their foresight. I hope the sex was worth the felony escape charges boys.
H/T to BtFMC

Sharia Law And Generation Slacker

Friday, October 17th, 2008

LAGOS (Reuters) – A father took his 20-year old son to an Islamic court in northern Nigeria for idleness, asking that he be sent to prison for refusing to engage in productive activities, state news agency NAN said on Friday.

“He is not listening to words and he is bringing shame to my family. I am tired of his nefarious deeds. Please put this boy in prison so that I can be free,” Sama’ila Tahir, a market trader in the northeastern town of Bauchi, was quoted as saying.
Tahir told the court that his son had refused to go to school and accused him of belonging to a criminal gang.
The court sentenced the son to six months in prison and 30 strokes of the cane — which were immediately administered on the premises — for being disobedient to his parents, NAN said.
That’s right hippies… you might want to quit protesting in defense of that legal system here and get your hemp-encrusted asses working before you get caned. On the other hand, how great would it be to watch the patchoulli oil flying off the unwashed dreads of hundreds of idle protesters as the canes came down?

H/T to WayOdd.com for the pic

I thought prisons were, you know, suppose to imprison people.

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

WTF is this crap? This [CIR] better not come to teh states.

The sea of orange moves with an urgent rhythm as music booms in the early morning light. The dancers twirl in unison, every movement carefully choreographed.

But what’s most striking about these dancers are that most are accused murderers, rapists and drug dealers. They dance their jig behind prison walls. They are led by a choreographer who is accused of mass murder. One of their biggest stars is a transsexual, awaiting trial on methamphetamine dealing charges.

Welcome to the Cebu Detention and Rehabilitation Center in the Philippines. Once infamous for its gang violence, the prison is now famous for its dancing prisoners. Their hard work has spawned one of the unlikeliest hits on the Internet — a reworking of Michael Jackson’s 1980s smash hit video “Thriller.” Filmed by the prison boss, it has drawn more than 6 million hits on YouTube.

Man this peeves me. I haven’t seen anything so disturbing since a staff sergeant did interpretive dance to one of the Family Readiness Group letters.