The Sniper

The Rabbit Pellet of the Week award was an interesting race this week, to be sure: first overrated actor Owen Wilson tries to off himself like a wuss, then deported “activist” / convicted criminal Elvira Arellano works up the gall to ask for a diplomatic visa into the United States as a “peace ambassador.” Both can eat comprehensive immigration reform and shuffle off this mortal coil, for all I care, but I digress.

How do you pick between these two a-holes when giving out an award as prestigious as the Rabbit Pellet? Even though we just learned that a U.S. senator was busted in June for trying to get his bone smooched in an airport bathroom, I was still torn between Wilson and Arellano. Sure, Arellano is a bigger thorn in the side, but Wilson really outdid himself this week. I had finally decided that Arellano was the winner when someone alerted me to this article , an excerpt of which appears below:

Edwards: Americans should sacrifice their SUVs
8/29/07

LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. (AP) — Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards told a labor group he would ask Americans to make a big sacrifice: their sport utility vehicles.The former North Carolina senator told a forum by the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers in Lake Buena Vista, Florida, yesterday he thinks Americans are willing to sacrifice. Edwards says Americans should be asked to drive more fuel efficient vehicles. He says he would ask them to give up SUVs…

Now, let’s take a brief look at the source. John Edwards lives in a mansion the size of Delaware and has said he won’t apologize for it. Well, good for him. He made millions, and he should be able to spend that money exactly how he wants. He wants your vote, but he doesn’t want you to do the same.

Edwards has repeatedly blathered on about how everyone should reduce their carbon footprint. His wife even claimed she was giving up tangerines to reduce hers. In the meantime, in between $400 haircuts Edwards flies on private jets and rides in limos, yet YOU aren’t supposed to drive an SUV.

Oh, not that it matters, but to show you how delusional Edwards really is, let’s not forget that he’s the same pompous assbag who suggested that Christopher Reeve would get up out of his wheelchair and walk if John Kerry were to be elected president. Lots of you insensitive bastards voted against Kerry, and Reeves died. His wife did, too. John Edwards would likely tell you that those deaths are on your conscience.

Anyway, Mr. Edwards: Americans ARE ready to sacrifice. Many of us are more than ready to sacrifice socialist income redistribution programs. We’re ready to sacrifice government interference in our lives. We’re ready to sacrifice abysmal ideas like “comprehensive” immigration “reform.” However, while you’re living in a house big enough to get lost in and travel like a rock star, don’t you (expletive deleted) dare to suggest that we give up SUVs.

Further, I would like to add that you’re the sort of wimp that would make our enemies laugh at us. At least Hillary, unlike you, is capable of scaring a man and / or taking Dennis Kucinich in a fight. With a wuss like you as president we all might as well get fitted for dresses. The only possible advantage to having you as First Lady would be that our enemies might actually die laughing hearing you talk tough about terrorism.

Trying to imagine the vinegar and water that is John Edwards being in charge of the blood, sweat and tears that is our military scares me a lot more than any terrorist group. Your economic ideas would put us on par with the reeking bum that just asked me for a dollar. The last thing the overwhelming majority of Americans will stand for is having a (expletive deleted) pansy like you telling us what we’re not supposed to drive. Just because you’re cramping up this week doesn’t mean we want to drive a tin can while you cruise up and down Pennsylvania Avenue in your bulletproof limo or take Air Force One wherever the hell you want, you miserable little hypocrite. Go (expletive deleted) yourself, you (expletive deleted) douche.

For deciding for us what we’re willing to sacrifice and for suggesting that average Americans give up one of their few true luxury items (while he himself lives in a house which uses more electricity than North Korea does), the prissy socialist sackmunch John Edwards has overcome some formidable competition and earned himself the Rabbit Pellet of the Week. I hope the little turd chokes on it.

UPDATE:

Um, that doesn’t look like a Prius.

Note: This post was updated for Skvo without his permission, by The Sniper, with a hat tip to Brown Neck Gator for the pic.