Posts Tagged ‘Iran’

Becoming? Really?

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Grab your ankles folks…

[Sec State Hillary] Clinton: Iran is becoming a military dictatorship

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia – U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said Monday Iran is sliding into a military dictatorship, a new assessment suggesting a rockier road ahead for U.S.-led efforts to stop Tehran from obtaining a nuclear weapon.

As the first high-level Obama administration official to make such an accusation, Clinton was reflecting an ever-dimming outlook for persuading Iran to negotiate limits on its nuclear program, which it has insisted is intended only for peaceful purposes. The U.S. and others — including the two Gulf countries Clinton visited Sunday and Monday — believe Iran is headed for a nuclear bomb capability.

Clinton also was revealing the logic of the administration’s plan to target the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps with a new round of international sanctions intended to compel Iran to curb its nuclear ambitions before it increases the likelihood of a military clash.

Wait, “becoming“? Just where in the holy f*** has her stupid, myopic ass been for the last, ohhhh let’s say, 30 years or so?!? Becoming? Really? This is the same nut-job, Islamist terror state that we’ve been dealing with for decades and she just now realized that they are becoming the military dictatorship that they’ve already been since the Carter administration? Oh my God we are so royally f***ed with her as SecDef that we better invest in the K-Y Jelly Corporation just so we can at least reap a little profit out of the brutal colon pounding that we’re going to take from her bungling foreign affairs and her boss making America an international laughing stock by bowing to every head of state and local mayor. Sure, a lot of the world hated us when GW was in charge but at least they were scared enough to not push their luck. Now it’s almost vogue to blow us off. DAMMIT.

And she wants to levy economic sanctions against the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps? What?!? Jesus Christ! These are the same people that ran BY THE THOUSANDS through mine fields during the Iran-Iraq War to clear the way for follow-on combat troops to breach the Iraq border… does she really think that clamping down on their hummus money is going to make them sting? So now she still seriously believes that a) Iran is a military dictatorship, b) they’re working on a nuclear bomb, and c) she can still use diplomatic means to conduct negotiations to talk (albeit a “rocky” talk”) them down from their “nuclear power” position? Perhaps I should pen an open letter with a  little word of advice to Hillary:

Dear Toots,

They’re called “military dictatorships” because they’re run by military dictators. You can’t talk to military dictators because all they understand is force.  This is why you don’t see a whole bunch of “diplomatic dictatorships” in the world… because nobody listens to people whose only weapons are threats, empty threats, and repeated empty threats. Perhaps you should return to something you were more successful at… like keeping your husband faithful.

Regards,

The Sniper

This is what happens when amateurs appoint amateurs to do jobs for which neither is qualified.

Not So Fast Mahmoud

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

TEHRAN (AFP) – Iran declared itself a nuclear nation on Thursday as it marked the Islamic revolution’s 31st anniversary and launched what Washington called an “unprecedented” crackdown on opposition supporters.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad used a keynote address to hundreds of thousands in Azadi (Freedom) Square to boast Iran was now a nuclear nation as he announced the production of its first highly enriched uranium.

Oh really? So where’s the boom? No boom? Oh, no bomb? So you’ve got no bomb, yet you’ve already declared yourself a nuclear nation? Hmmm, in that case I’m a porn star with an 11 inch crank… well, at least I am by Tehran’s reckoning because I have the start of an 11 inch penis and I’ve had sex so I must be a porn star.

Just because Iran has the ability to enrich uranium doesn’t make them a nuclear power any more than the ability to grow wheat makes a farmer a pastry chef. If this was the announcement that was supposed to topple capitalism and make us tremble with fear, Achmadinejad has once again fallen short. By the way Iran, when you want to whip out our nuclear dicks and slap ‘em on the table for a comparison we’ll be waiting for you… you bring your micrometer, we’ll bring a yard stick… bitches.

Iran Being Stupid Again

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

Or should I say “still”.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says the nation will deliver a harsh blow to the “global arrogance” on this year’s anniversary of the Islamic Revolution.

Apparently they’re rattling sabers saying that on February 11th they will deal a [crushing blow] to capitalism that will be the “demise” of the capitalist system and that “Iran will deliver [a] telling blow to global powers”.

Uh-huh.

I really, really hope that Achmadinejad realizes that the two bombs we dropped on Japan weren’t the only ones we had and that, despite having a combat-phobic president, we still have the resolve to take care of business if it needs to be taken care of. I don’t think they’ll do an actual, physical attack on the US or its facilities, but a cyber attack wouldn’t surprise me considering how reticent we’ve been in the past to retaliate against those kinds of attacks. Either way, in my humble opinion I think we should have turned Tehran into a parking lot a long time ago.

Meanwhile, Iran is still thumbing its collective nose at the world and continuing its Uranium enrichment program. The UN is threatening more sanctions but we’ve already seen how well those have worked in the past  and so has Iran so they (Iran) are ignoring the threats as they usually do. The UN threatening Iran with sanctions is about as effective as a eunuch threatening a hooker with rape. The eunuch can’t do much of anything, the hooker knows it, and even if he could the hooker is used to it. Until the eunuch grows a pair the hooker will continue to mock his impotence.

It’s About Damned Time They Did Something

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

NEW YORK – Federal prosecutors took steps Thursday to seize four U.S. mosques and a Fifth Avenue skyscraper owned by a nonprofit Muslim organization long suspected of being secretly controlled by the Iranian government.

In what could prove to be one of the biggest counterterrorism seizures in U.S. history, prosecutors filed a civil complaint in federal court against the Alavi Foundation, seeking the forfeiture of more than $500 million in assets.

The assets include bank accounts; Islamic centers consisting of schools and mosques in New York City, Maryland, California and Houston; more than 100 acres in Virginia; and a 36-story glass office tower in New York.

Confiscating the properties would be a sharp blow against Iran, which has been accused by the U.S. government of bankrolling terrorism and trying to build a nuclear bomb.

Okay, it’s really too late to get any payback for the Tehran hostage debacle, but any time we can take $500 million from Iran I’m all for it. Now if we can just stage an “accident” to happen at one of their enrichment facilities life would be good, good, good. And I’m not picky; a 300 kiloton yield would be a sufficient “accident”.

Now, if Uncle Sugar does seize these properties they will eventually be auctioned off and if they do, I am totally bidding on one and turning into a microbrewery and hot wings joint. I might even make part of it a strip club. That would totally rock. I mean, if a stripper can so some stunts on a pole just imagine what one could do on a minaret! I know I’ll get a lot of business because judging from the 9-11 bombers and the Ft Hood shooter, the adherents to the religion of peace love them some strip clubs and they already know the address. I’ll call the place “Mohammad’s” and my motto will be “Come and get bombed at Mohammads Microbrewery and infidel flesh fest” or maybe “We serve you beer to turn a prophet.” What do ya’ think?

Well, At Least Iran Hasn’t Tested An Advanced Nuclear Warhead Yet

Friday, November 6th, 2009

atomicenergylabThe U.N. nuclear watchdog has asked Tehran to explain evidence suggesting that Iranian scientists have experimented with an advanced secret nuclear warhead design, according to a report published Friday.

Citing what it calls “previously unpublished documentation” from an International Atomic Energy Agency compiled report, Britain’s The Guardian newspaper said Iranian scientists may have tested high-explosive components of a “two-point implosion” device.

Shit.

Shoe Not So Comfy On The Other Foot?

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

karmacopYou can file this story under “karma”.

TEHRAN, Iran – A suicide bomber killed five senior commanders of the powerful Revolutionary Guard and at least 37 others Sunday near the Pakistani border in the heartland of a potentially escalating Sunni insurgency.

The attack — which also left dozens wounded — was the most high-profile strike against security forces in an outlaw region of armed tribal groups, drug smugglers and Sunni rebels known as Jundallah, or Soldiers of God.

I guess that’s what the universe returns to you when you arm your neighbors to kill their liberators. I think every society/religion has a version of this “Golden Rule” that transcends cultures:

Christianity: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

Wicca: An it harm no one, do what thou wilt. (aka “The Rule of Three”… whatever you do returns to you threefold)

Judaism: “What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary.” Talmud, Shabbat 31a.

Buddhism: “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” Udana-Varga 5:18

Plato: “May I do to others as I would that they should do unto me.”

Snoop Dogg: “Don’t start sh*t, there won’t be sh*t.”

Uncle Jimbo: “Payback is a medevac.”

Hell, even the Koran it self has something to say about the subject…

“None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” Number 13 of Imam “Al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadiths.”

I guess maybe the mullahs and imams skipped over that particular passage in the Iranian madrasas or perhaps those pages were torn out to make cellulose casing for explosives. I guess the religion of peace skips over the “peace” part. Either way, it all sums up best in words posed by my buddy Otter: Plant corn, get corn. I sure hope Iran is enjoying their “popped corn”.

Right Back To The Empty Threats Of Bygone Administrations

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

It was the hallmark of the Clinton administration’s approach toward hostile regimes: posturing. I would have loved to have said that Clinton’s foreign policy with regards to America’s threats amounted to saber rattling but before he could rattle the saber he hacked it down to a bayonet through BRAC so there was, in fact, no saber to rattle. We were far from helpless, but the world was shown that we were more willing to drop our guard in order to balance the budget than we were to drop social programs that ensured reelection. Where foot soldiers were needed, we sent diplomats. Where Special Ops was needed, we sent envoys. Where a battalion of battle ready Marines was needed, we sent a few cruise missiles. Where a rain of fire and steel the likes of which Hell itself has never seen was needed, we sent Hans Blix.

Diplomacy without the strength to back it up is useless at best, detrimental at worst. Trying to engage another country in rational discourse when that country is not rational is sheer folly. Britain learned this long ago through the folly of Neville Chamberlin trying to appease Adolf Hitler and we should have learned it through the impotent and laughable arms control “inspections” conducted in North Korea and Iraq and their consequential, yet equally laughable,  “sanctions”. Despite all of the world’s combined diplomatic efforts to keep the despots in charge of those two countries in check, they continued to snub their collective nose at the world community and its milquetoast response to their weapons programs and even after we invaded Afghanistan they resisted… that is until we invaded Iraq.

Had we gone full bore and carried the momentum of the initial invasion throughout Operation Iraqi Freedom we could have cowed Kim Jong-Il into compliance but as we all know that didn’t happen. We got bogged down a little and when the opportunity presented itself the liberal faction of Congress took it upon themselves to start pulling defeat out of the jaws of victory. We hadn’t lost, but we would have if funding for the Surge had not gone through. Those that initially voted for the war turned their backs on the US military and our allies. They tried to hamstring our troops and serve as de facto commander in chief… all in order to lose militarily abroad in order to win politically at home. Thankfully they failed and the Surge did not. What followed was the clamoring of non participants and outright opponents of the Surge to try to take credit for our victories. Success has a thousand fathers, failure is always a bastard. Despite our hard won victories in Iraq during the Surge and thereafter our enemies watched the infighting from afar and they took note of how to tear us down from the inside. They set in motion a plan to capitalize on America’s short memory, her liberal media, and her distaste for war to further their own designs. They were banking on the current president to institute a myopic foreign policy based on wishful thinking, appeasement, and sycophancy and they got their wish.

When Georgia stood up against an aggressive Russia, we turned our backs on them and from that point on it went downhill. We have reneged on our promises to Poland and the Czech Republic regarding missile shields. We’ve stood by murmuring about democracy with our hands in our pockets as watched protestors get gunned down in the streets of Tehran. We’ve let Kim Jong-Il take hostages and then sent a former president to negotiate their release. And now when we present evidence to the world that Iran has a hardened uranium enrichment site, they not only don’t deny it, they flaunt it and then flip us the diplomatic bird by test launching missiles. Iran is not afraid of us anymore. Maybe they never were, but at least they respected our strength at one time. Now, they mock us because our foreign policy is based on threats as empty as the suit that makes them.

Today Iran is firing off missiles capable of striking targets 1200 miles away. Left to their own devices, tomorrow they’ll be capping those missiles with nuclear warheads. That may not seem so terrifying to the peace mongers back in the United States because, although they can’t seem to comprehend a history book, they can read a map and realize that Iran is much farther away from their homes than 1200 miles. What they’re not picking up on is the fact that their socialist buddy Chavez in Venezuela is also buddy buddy with Ahmadinejad… buddy buddy enough that Iran might not have a problem with basing those missiles in Venezuela or even selling them outright. 1200 miles isn’t enough to hit DC from Tehran, but it is plenty to hit Miami from Venezuela. I know that a lot of folks are thinking that we would never let that happen, but then again we thought we would never let Iran develop nukes either.

Teddy Roosevelt once said something to the tune of “speak softly, but carry a big stick”… at this point I think I would be satisfied if we carried any stick at all.

ON EDIT:

I had a quick e-mail banter back and forthwith a friend of mine (who happens to be the most conservative Democrat alive today) about the content of the above post. He was concerned that my message might have gotten lost because my wording swayed in a partisan fashion. My response to him was as follows:
The whole “let’s blame the past thing” instead of “let’s fix the present” is crap. We don’t have a time machine… we do have a State Department and a Department of Defense and both of them are being poorly handled right now. My point is that diplomacy without force backing it is useless.When we speak softly without our big stick, planes crash, towers fall, and people here die. We need our big stick now. I want to see Obama stand on the lawn of the White House, face east, grab his junk, and flip the bird while a flight of B-52’s drops bunker busters all over that nuke site in Iran. Then I want to see him walk into a press conference and say “America has made an historic decision by electing an African-American as President… Iran pissed me off. Don’t piss off the black man”. Diplomacy problems over. Any radical racists left in America sit back and think a few minutes before they tell their next “colored joke”. Any bill he wants gets passed.

O doesn’t seem to have a problem showing his ire toward Americans that piss him off… I just want him to show that same angry face to our enemies. Obama got elected at least in part because he was an ”elegant black man”. Bill Cosby is eloquent. Nobody fears Bill Cosby… they do fear Mike Tyson. I want less Cosby, more Tyson.

He agreed with me. We’re both fairly middle-of-the-road so finding detente isn’t too hard. To the aforementioned response I’ll add this analogy in summary:
The President is the head of the country like a father is the head of a household (yes, I know mom calls the shots but bear with me here). If the neighbor pisses off dad and threatens him and dad does nothing, the neighbor won’t respect him and will continue to do as he pleases. If dad then comes home and yells at his kids after not taking the neighbor to task, then nobody will respect him and eventually his kids will give him the same treatment that the neighbor did. When my step-dad got pissed at the neighbors he let then know it and whatever pissed him off usually stopped. Anytime he told me to do something, it got done… fast. I didn’t like him. In fact, I never did… but I did respect his authority and respect gets things done.

Bet They Wished That Iran Didn’t Have Restrictive Gun Laws

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

Actually I don’t know if they do or not… but considering that none of these guys is armed as they try to take control of an Iranian police station, I’m guessing they don’t have any bang-bang to back them up.

Tehran Tuesday Titillation

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
Considering the elections in Iran and the turmoil caused by the disputed results thereof (come on, Ahmadinejad won fair and square? Really?), this Tuesday’s selection is dedicated to the Iranian folks that are protesting the election results and fighting the good fight to depose that asshat. This Tuesday’s pick is a home girl of sorts. Her name is Aylar Dianati Lie. She is a Norwegian born woman of Iranian parents who got about as far away from the Jihad business as an Iranian girl can get.Her racy photo shoots are nothing compared to what she does in live action videos (NSFW) or her really naughty modeling assignments (Really and totally NSFW). I like to call the pose she is doing above the “Persian Parlor Pout”.Just the fact that she’s not wearing a head scarf in the picture above could get her beaten and arrested in Iran.The picture above would have gotten her shot in Iran… married in America, but shot in Iran.And as you can see, she digs cammo and that’s alright by me. Now just think, she’s only one example of what women can be like behind the Hadji curtain… imagine what we might see if they oust Ahmadinejad and get a moderate in there that’s more concerned with feeding his people instead of arresting them for wanting to have free will?

This Word, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means… Pt II

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Is Islam the “Religion of Peace”? Well, I guess it is… of course that all depends on what your definition of “peace” is.

If your definition of “peace” includes mocking your dead soldiers and your religious leaders organizing protests disrupting the homecoming parade of your nation’s soldiers and “praising the disruption and branding the homecoming a “vile parade” of “brutal murderers” whom he likened to Nazis,” then yes it is a religion of peace.
If your definition of “peace” includes recruiting terrorists in America, getting them to become suicide bombers, and trying to institute your draconian legal system in another country (that is, Sharia in America), then yes, it is a religion of peace.
And if your definition of “peace” includes lobbing mortar rounds at embassies, killing school girls, and hanging homosexuals… then yes, by all means, it is a religion of peace.
And I wish nothing but peace to them. In Shah Allah.

Apparently Not Everyone Feeling The Hope And Change

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009


In a turbulent, ever changing world, you can always count on one thing: Iran hates us and wants us wiped off the map or conquered.

More From The Armed Monkey

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

BAGHDAD — The U.S. military says it has arrested an alleged senior member of the Iranian security forces suspected of funneling weapons into Iraq.

The military says in a statement released Wednesday that the alleged member of Iran’s Revolutionary Guards’ elite Quds force was detained at Baghdad Airport while trying to leave the country on Tuesday.
The military says the suspect was using a job building and repairing religious sites in Iraq as cover to funnel weapons into the country.
The U.S. alleges the Iranian was smuggling weapons into Iraq in legitimate shipments of building materials.
The U.S. has long accused Iran of training and arming Shiite extremist groups in Iraq and fueling the insurgency.
Tehran denies the charges.
Of course they denied the charges… just like they said that their nuclear program was completely peaceful in nature. Does anybody else see the pattern here or do I have some sort of special gift for sifting through the BS? Do I have X-ray (excrement ray) vision that allows me to see through all the BS that the UN can’t?
And just when did Achmadinejad become a Jedi? Since when has he been able to wave his hand in front of the UN and say “these are not the centrifuges you’re looking for” and have the UN (along with members of our own government) blindly drink that Kool-Aid?
Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Well, This Is Nice

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Iran has now produced roughly enough uranium to make a single nuclear bomb, according to atomic experts analyzing the latest report from the U.N. nuclear watchdog agency, The New York Times reported Wednesday.

To date, Iran had enriched about 1,400 pounds of low-enriched uranium suitable for nuclear fuel, according to two confidential reports from the International Atomic Energy Agency that were obtained by The Associated Press.
Thanks to the global hippies, peaceniks, lefties, and weaklings for letting this happen without doing a thing to stop it. I hope you like sitting down for negotiations without preconditions in lead suits. We had troops in place to apply pressure on Achmadinejad’s regime and the only thing that we lacked to keep him from producing a nuclear weapon was political will… now he’s free and clear to do as he pleases.
Thank you Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and every other idiot that thought that we could sit down and have rational discussions with these zealots (you know… the same ones that sponsor global terrorism, the same ones that stormed our embassy and held our diplomats hostage for over a year, the same ones who chant “death to America”). You have appeased these lunatics at the cost of our country’s security. Apparently your new plan to relieve America of its dependence on foreign oil and domestic coal is to allow Iran to nuke us until we glow at night.
If you administered amphetamines to a monkey, gave it a loaded pistol, and sent it into a full kindergarten class it would still be more responsible than allowing Iran to get a nuclear weapon. At least the monkey doesn’t harbor messianic delusions of paradise.

Surprise!

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

WASHINGTON — Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has canceled an appearance at a New York rally next week after organizers blindsided her by inviting Republican vice presidential candidate and Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, aides to the senator said Tuesday.

Hmmm, I guess misery doesn’t like company. Well, it must have been some polarized, partisan political event. That would explain things.
Several American Jewish groups plan a major rally outside the United Nations on Sept. 22 to protest against Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Oh. Maybe not.
“Her attendance was news to us, and this was never billed to us as a partisan political event,” said Clinton spokesman Philippe Reines. “Sen. Clinton will therefore not be attending.”
Well, it wasn’t a partisan political event until Hillary refused to show up based on the fact that somebody else from another party was going to be there. I’m actually really glad that she reacted this way because it clearly demonstrates the kind of “bipartisan politics” and “bridge building” that we narrowly avoided by Hillary losing the Democratic nomination. I wonder if Obama will show up… or is his absence from a rally denouncing Ahmadinejad demonstrative of the kind of bridges he plans to build?

Iran Unveils "Ambassador of Peace"…

Monday, August 18th, 2008

TEHRAN, Iran – Iran has test launched a rocket it plans to use to carry a research satellite into orbit, state television reported Sunday.

Saturday’s test of the two-stage rocket, called the Safir-e Omid, or Ambassador of Peace, was successful, state TV said, broadcasting images of the nighttime launch.
And now for some definitions from The Sniper’s Farsi to English dictionary.
Rocket=Missile
Research satellite=nuclear payload
Orbit=Israel
Ambassador of Peace=I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
This has been your language lesson for the day. Although it may not bring you enough comprehension to read Farsi as it is written in its normal script, it will arm you with the ability to read between the lines of their press releases.