The Sniper

A group of American protesters were expelled from China for a demonstration staged on Mt. Everest. The five American students (of course they were students… people who actually work don’t have time to go to the other side of the world to stage a protest) were demonstrating against the proposed route of the Olympic torch through Tibet.

Apparently these folks haven’t figured out that their 1st Amendment Rights only work when they are actually in America. You can’t go and violate the laws of a sovereign nation and expect to get away with it because you wave our constitution in their communist faces.

We wanted to get some background on previous protests and protesters in China, so The Sniper talked to one of the Tiananmen Square protesters still in captivity in a festering hell hole of a prison in the mountains of China. His name is Shen Lui.

TS: What prompted you to take a stand against your oppressive and despotic government?

SL: For god’s sake, prease take scorpion out of my ass. Evely day, they put rive scorpion in ass. It hurt.

TS: Hmmm, interesting. And, do you think the rest of the world did enough to support you in your bid for a free and democratic China?

SL: Rook at me! You think they did enough?!?! I weigh 83 pounds and I rive in a 5x5x4 cage! What do you think?!?! Fliggin wetard! By the way, scorpion still in ass. A rittle help here.

TS: So, you doubt the resolve of the US to actually follow through on helping developing democracies? Why?

SL: You got thousands of troops in Iraq trying to help and Congless want to take them out before job finish! You think they ret troops go in to help us? You clazy! Aflica is big social leform darring light now. Unress it’s in Aflica, nobody care. They all hypoclits!

TS: Hmmm, I see. (note: I did not understand one word of what that guy said… I just wrote down what it sounded like). And why do you think the home grown revolution that you all tried to start in China failed in it’s infancy when both the French and the U.S. did so well in their own attempts at establishing democracy?

SL: Good question. It’s the guns, stupid. You try to facedown a tank with a handful of nothing and an ideal. By the way, scorpion stinging now…

The bottom line here is this: Your rights at home are exactly that… AT HOME. Don’t expect them elsewhere. And for all of you out there who staunchly adhere to the “it can never happen here” concept, you might want to remember that kid standing in front of the tank with nothing but his ideals. You bitch about The Patriot Act and swear that Big Brother is spying on you, you bitch about censorship and swear that the government is limiting your free speech, you bitch about the government having too much power, you bitch about abuse of power at the highest levels, and then you have the nerve to say that the Second amendment (the one right that garauntees the rest!) is not an individual right and that only the government and it’s agents should be allowed to own guns?!?!? You may want to check your logic.

[NOTE: Although we here at The Sniper are scions of responsible investigative journalism, our budget is very small (in fact, we don’t have one) and therefore the previous exchange is merely a computer model of what we think would have been said if we had actually conducted an interview… hey, if it’s valid for Al Gore and his global warming research, it’s valid for us too.]

[SECOND NOTE: Yes, I implied that your standard Chinese guy doesn’t speak fluent and flawless English. You can call me a racist when (and only when) you prove to me that A. every native Chinese guy CAN pronounce his “R” and “L” sounds without mixing the two, B. you’ve studied linguistics as much as I have, and C. when nobody else in the world makes fun of the way we pronounce words in their languages… which they do.]