Posts Tagged ‘ICE’

Three Feet Of Global Warming Expected

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

This is me shoveling my driveway for the fourth time today. Mrs. Sniper took two turns shoveling too. I usually use one of the big “plow” shovels but at this particular moment I’m using the small shovel to get the steps. By the time I finished shoveling the whole driveway another two inches had fallen and I had to do another quick shovel.

The next person to mention global warming to me is cordially invited to kiss my ass and then come over and finish shoveling out my driveway. They’re calling for up to three feet and I think we’ll get every inch of it considering how much we’ve gotten so far.

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The Best Quote Of The Week:

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

“We’d also heard mention of [the heckling and dildo dump], but we decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice,” said AIK club head Mats Hedenström to the newspaper.

This quote comes from a story about a Swedish hockey team, their defenseman Jan Huokko, and a hail of dildos, a giant inflatable penis, and a viral Internet sex video.
Another great quote from the story: “Huokko is known for putting the biscuit in the basket.”
The thing that kills me about this is how nonchalant they all were about it. I mean, when the sex video that brought this all on was mentioned to Huokko, he was quoted as saying “That’s what people do when it comes to sex.” Really? Holy crap! Maybe that’s why I was never nearly as successful as my peers when it came to getting women to come home with me from bars back in the day… all of my friends had camcorders and I didn’t!

But why throw dildos if the whole thing is a big “video sex scandal”? Well, after some exhaustive research (about two minutes worth) I found stills from the video in question of Jan Huokko and his girlfriend. The video capture shows Huokko using a dildo… on himself. That’s right… he was putting the rubber man missile up in his stink silo… or maybe she was jamming it up there… it’s hard to tell by the angle and I only gave it a quick glance before I threw up. I bet all of you guys who followed the link before reading the rest of the sentence are really sorry you didn’t exercise more patience.
Fans here would have been nonplussed to say the least about the meatier shower that rained down on the ice, but apparently the Swedes are so used to getting that much sex that it was a “non-issue” for them. “It didn’t affect play at all. People barely noticed it,” [Lars G. Karlsson, an official from Sweden’s ice hockey association] said. “Barely noticed it”?!?! Hundreds of dildos hit the ice because some guy got cornholed by his girlfriend’s best battery operated buddy and people barely noticed it?
Wow.
Just, wow.
H/T to TSO and his buddies at “PooperPiratePrideWeb”

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Ohhhhhh, Good Strategy!

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
“Please God, let this stupid stunt work…”

Okay I’ve seen our government do a lot of stupid things in the past, and when I say “a lot” I mean “A WHOLE FREAKING LOT”. A few outstanding examples are as follows: the House of Representatives wasting time by passing a motion “expressing the sense of Congress regarding the importance of motor sports,” requiring Braille on drive up window ATM buttons, and this gem of a quote from Representative Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania: “Mr. Speaker, I rise to offer congratulations to the confectioners at Just Born, Incorporated, as they celebrate the 50th anniversary of one of their most recognized and celebrated products, not to mention my daughter’s favorite, Marshmallow Peeps.”
Yup, that is a pretty good cross section of government stupid, but this one takes the cake…
SANTA ANA, Calif. – Wanted: Illegal immigrants with clean records who have ignored court orders to leave the country. Immigration officials are standing by to help you leave the country. No jail. No joke.
That invitation drew hardly any takers Tuesday on the first day of a new federal “self-deportation” program that offered 457,000 eligible illegal immigrants the chance to turn themselves in, get their affairs in order and leave the country without being detained.
Yup, our immigration policy and enforcement efforts have certainly become a joke… and this has got to be the punchline.

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