I know I have been very remiss in posting but I have a very good reason: I am back in school and I am swamped. I am back at my history work and my Russian work and my pre-law work. Yes, all at the same time. I have time to take a crap, but I only have time to wipe every other time. That’s how swamped I am. I will try to post as I can, but I have to warn you that it will be spotty at best despite my best efforts. That being said, I just wanted to share a few things with you headline-wise:
“Health Canada is reminding Canadians of the serious potential health risks of using donor semen for assisted conception obtained through potentially unreliable sources, such as the Internet,” the government agency said.
Donor semen obtained through “questionable means,” it explained, may not have been screened or tested, and therefore may not be safe.
Translation: if the delivery vehicle for the aforementioned “fresh semen” is an old sock, you should probably avoid it. I have a sock from my time in the Army that is worth millions.
Hillar, 66, of Millersville, pleaded guilty to wire fraud earlier this year and was sentenced Tuesday in U.S. District Court. He must pay $170,000 in restitution to the law enforcement and first responder organizations and schools that hired him believing that he had spent 28 years in the U.S. Special Forces, reaching the rank of colonel. He must also perform 500 community service hours at Maryland’s veteran cemeteries.
Translation: His war stories used to start out with “no shit, there I was…” or “so I was a Colonel in Iraq…” and now they will start with “so I dropped the soap in a prison shower…” or “so I was my cell mate’s bitch on C Block…”.
Soulja Boy and his management team are SCRAMBLING to remove all traces of the rapper’s army-bashing song from the Internet — and they swear … it won’t come anywhere near Soulja’s new album.
A rep for Soulja’s management team, Debby Coda, tells TMZ, both the rapper’s management and his record label have been working nonstop since Friday to take the video down off the Internet.
Debby tells us, the song “Let’s Be Real” was hastily and foolishly posted to the Internet — and was never approved for any album, including his upcoming “Respect My Hustle.”
Debby insists, the song will never be available for purchase.
We’re told Soulja is willing to do whatever he can to make up for the song – which contains the lyric “f**k all the army troops” — including free shows for the military, and meet-and-greet sessions.
Translation: “Holy fuck did I fuck up and bad. Now I have the entire US Military that wants to beat my ass to death. I know, I’ll do a free show for them!” Holy shit dude, how stupid can you be? They don’t want to hear you and they sure as shit don’t want to see you and, trust me on this one, you don’t want to see them because every single one of them wants to beat you to a bloody pulp you little bitch… myself included. I know I didn’t like the name you chose to give yourself considering you never served a day in your life and now this? I usually don’t wish ill on anyone, but I can guarantee that if I read that little bitch’s obituary in my morning paper I wouldn’t be surprised and I would probably smile.
And finally, TSO tipped me off to this little tidbit of sanity:
Investigators have not ruled out foul play in the death of a young Arkansas man whose body was discovered in an empty bathtub next to a sleeping TV meteorologist, a police spokesman tells FoxNews.com.
Dexter Williams, 24, of Mountain Pine, Ark., was found dead early Monday inside the bathtub — naked and wearing a silver dog collar-style chain around his neck. The man’s friend, 33-year-old Little Rock weatherman Brett Cummins, was asleep and lying next to him at the home in Maumelle, Ark., according to police. The homeowner, 36-year-old Christopher Barbour, reportedly made the discovery after hearing loud snoring coming from the master bathroom.
Tags: anti-army, anti-troops, artificial insemination, bath tub, bathtub, Brett Cummins, Dexter Williams, dog collar, fraud, fresh semen, Green Beret, hot tub, little bitch, Maryland, naked, online semen, prison, semen, Soulja boy, Special Forces, Stolen valor, William Hillar
Two points on the last tidbit.
The picture is the weatherman Brent Cummings that woke up, not the victim. Bummer of a last name.
Removing the collar (which in Sniper’s hypothetical would probably be either pvc beer line or leather) from your neck would be similar to dragging the body of the robber back into the house after shooting him. Bad Mojo.
You can only wipe your ass every other time you take a crap? Is that why your posts will be spotty? (~groan~) Seriously, good luck with your coursework, Sniper.
Fruit will be served after the weather report from our new bathroom studio.