I have to say that I don’t really care that much about the “royal wedding“. To me it is just a soldier getting married to a hot chick. Now a soldier marrying a hot chick I can respect because of my almost reverent respect for both soldiers and hot chicks (and hot soldier chicks doubly so), but the hype has GOT to go.
To be quite honest I really don’t care what the schedule of the royal wedding is. I don’t care how much the gown cost (I’m guessing some of the more fiscally conservative Brits are probably verrrry concerned how much the dress, and the rest of the entire shindig for that matter, is setting back the average British, tax-paying subject) or how old the carriage is or how many British orphans it took to sew how many pearls into Kate’s dress. I don’t care who got invited and who didn’t (although the fact that Prince William invited his whole unit is pretty classy) and I don’t care what the Queen thinks of the entire affair. I don’t care that they can’t kiss in Westminster Abbey nor do I care where and when exactly the first kiss will be or how long it will take. Frankly, unless he lifts up her royal gown, bends her over the royal balcony, whips out the “royal scepter”, and starts pounding away at her royal fanny with all the force and anger of the Blitz and the whole thing is televised, I don’t care.
I won’t be buying any souvenir plates or pictures or condoms or sex toys or pint glasses or anything else with the royal couple’s likeness on it and I am pretty sure I won’t watch a second of the ceremony that promises to drone on for hours and hours with the rigid and humorless pomp and circumstance that defines the British monarchy. I really don’t have anything against the Prince or his bride, but it really doesn’t concern me and I have better things to do than to watch hour upon hour of Fawlty Towers without the humor.
If you want to watch the wedding, knock yourself out. Have fun. Enjoy. It’s their business so I will abstain unless they suddenly plan on televising the seedier portions of the honeymoon.
On a side note, man to man, I will say this to William: I respect your service to your country and global security and congratulations on snagging the hottest woman in the royal family (or possibly all of England) since your mom.You da man.