Okay, I usually don’t get into the local politics on this blog simply because most of America simply doesn’t give a rat’s balloon knot what happens in my town/county/general locale. BUT I will make an exception in this case because, well, you’ll just have to see for yourself. I’m going to present a couple of the local candidates for city council in a nearby town and you tell me which one you would vote for. First up is Art Major.
This is Art Major.
Art Major is a Democrat running for re-election for Winchester, VA’s 3rd Ward. Art is a local business owner, graduate of the US Merchant Marine Academy (arguably the hardest service academy to enter), a former Naval Reserve Officer, and current vice president of the city council. He’s a conservative… in fact, most of the Republicans on the city council now consider themselves liberals in comparison. He’s pro-military, pro-business, and pretty much the only reason he’s a Democrat is that he is pro-common sense regulation, pro-separation of church and state, and anti-government regulating morality. His most recent adventures took him to the Gulf Coast where he implemented an innovative new method of decontaminating ships (a method he invented) that has almost zero ecological impact and pretty much dissipates most of the oil into nothingness. Oh, and he’s created at least 300 jobs in the Gulf Coast where he was working as well as numerous jobs in Virginia. Oh yeah, he also eradicates MRSA in public schools around the state from time to time. If I had to sum up his platform I would call it “anti-retard”.
And this is Benjamin Vander Jagt.
He is Art Major’s write-in opponent on the Independent/Libertarian ticket… and he is a complete and utter lunatic. Seriously. I don’t often get to say that about somebody running for office, but this guy is far nuttier than a squirrel turd could ever hope to be. Read his web page and you’ll see what I mean. If you don’t have time to read the whole thing, here are a couple of gems for you to digest from Benjamin’s web page…
“I’m 22 and I live with my mom.”
“I dropped out of high school…”
“Anywayz… Another game with good music is Rayman.”
“Copyrights and patents are immoral and counterproductive.”
Can you say self-aggrandizing megalomaniac? Well, probably not if you’re drunk or have a speech impediment or something but you get the drift. Considering I would characterize Art as “anti-retard” and this guy is his opponent, you can probably guess as to how I would characterize Benjamin Vander Jagt.
Tags: 3rd Ward, Art, Art Major, Benjamin, Benjamin Vander Jagt, City Council, major, Third Ward, Vander Jagt, Virginia, Ward 3, Winchester
I don’t know this is a tough one. I would have to go with the latter. At least the town would be on the map. Everyone one would be talking about him and Laughing. I like the part about being Jewish but believes Jesus is our savior.
Former witches are starting to look better and better!
One, no two, no three favorite things on his webpage.
The “Stewp” (part stew, part soup) recipe. “I am no cook”. I have read it, and you are correct.
The poem from 8th grade.
The Engineer Wanted page. First sentence, “I can’t pay anybody anything.”
OMG .. ok, guy number 2 is a joke, right. Because they couldn’t find anyone to go up against Mr. Perfect, the guy who sounds like he should start his own political party simply based on “pro-common sense regulation, pro-separation of church and state, and anti-government regulating morality”. Because the kid couldn’t seriously find his way to the city hall, much less contribute anything – at all. An elaborate joke, right?? If the kid gets anymore than 2 votes – his and his mother – your town needs new regulations for getting on the ballot. But if Mr. Major starts his own political party, please keep us informed. I’m looking for someone worth voting for.
I keep waiting for that too. One of these days I plan on getting him drunk and having him sign papers to that effect.
And no, unfortunately guy number two isn’t a joke. He’s actually running. And he will probably get more than two votes if his group therapy pals vote for him too.