The global sex toy industry is worth an annual 15 billion dollars (22 billion euros), and uses up a mountain of batteries in the process, many of which end up as toxic waste.
But now one Irish company reckons they’ve got the solution to shake up the market: a vibrator they are calling the world’s first-ever “green technology sex toy”.
The Earth Angel, described as “eight inches (20 centimetres) with a sleek white finish”, is a wind-up vibrator which comes with a handle built into the bottom.
“You just flip out the handle, grab a hold of it there, and you just wind it,” said Janice O’Connor, the co-founder with her husband Chris, of Caden Enterprises which makes the gadget.
“So for four minutes of doing that, you should generate enough power to give you 30 minutes of full-on, right-to-the top vibrations,” she told AFP.
I’ve been a huge proponent of green-technology dildos for decades… my particular favorite is one that I like to call “my penis”. If you do anything to me for four minutes in order to get me worked up, I can guarantee that you’ll get at least a half hour of full-on and right to the top in return. My penis creates none of its own waste but does help me get rid of waste products that are created by other organs. My penis is also a renewable resource… it just needs 15-30 minutes to recharge and it’s ready to go again. My penis is also “carbon neutral” most if not all of the time.
I know that my personal green-technology phallus isn’t available in all areas, but there are approximately 148,000,000 other green-tech phalli in America (size, color, performance, and availability may vary) that the approximately 152,000,000 women in America can take advantage of pretty much whenever they please. And if the women that are left over (there is a deficit of 4,000,000 green-tech phalli due to the disparity between the male and female populations) still feel the urge to satisfy their primal carvings in a carbon-neutral manner, they can always turn away from the green-tech and more toward the green grocer. Let’s face it; men have taken second banana to most bananas for millennia. When you toss in the vegetable portion of the food pyramid (the zucchinis, cucumbers, eggplants, and pretty much any other cylindrically shaped veggies of the world) the plant kingdom has the men beat hands down.
If it weren’t for the fact that we squash bugs and open jars women probably wouldn’t bother with us at all.
Tags: Denmark, dildo, earth-friendly, funny, Green, green technology, green vibrator, penis, phallus, vegetables, vibrators