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I Don’t Think Ducking Is Going To Help…
January 26th, 2012 by The Sniper
It’s Tuesday On Weds Again
January 26th, 2012 by The SniperEven as spotty as my posting has been this year, it is still probably better than last year. AND I am only one day late on the Tuesday post this week… and yes, I am well aware that it is the first one of the year so quitcherbitchin.
This week’s Tuesday selection is Kelsi.
In her own words:
My name is Kelsi Calhoun, I’m a 20 year old pre-pharmacy student in Auburn, Maine. I have been modeling for about five years now mostly doing hair shows and promotional modeling work. I’m originally from Front Royal, Virginia where I started my modeling career.
Kelsi is a friend of Sita who was featured a couple of times here last year and asked me if I would feature Kelsi since she is in a modeling contest.
The contest is through a company called Rave X Motorsports, they sell motor sports gear as well as hold their own freestyle snowmobile shows. For the first time ever they are holding a modeling contest to choose a “Miss Rave X” to be the “face” of the company.
Kelsi wants to be that face.
And legs.
And all the other nice bits that go with it. And yes, I said “bits”… with a “b” you perverts.
I think she has a shot if you guys go over HERE and vote for her.
Oh, and as an added incentive, she has promised that if she wins she will be supplying you guys with more shots of much less angelic nature.
TSA Simultaneously Justifies Existance, Proves Incompetence So Gross That It Shouldn’t Exist
January 19th, 2012 by The SniperFrom Yahoo News/Reuters:
DALLAS (Reuters) – A 65-year-old woman made it past a checkpoint and onto a flight at the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport on Wednesday with a revolver tucked away in her handbag, and was only stopped after the plane was called back to the gate, the airport said.
The woman was carrying a .38-caliber revolver in her handbag, the airport said in a statement. She was to be charged with a state felony for carrying a weapon where prohibited.
The release said airport police got a call from the Transportation Security Administration at about 6 a.m., asking for help locating a person who had gotten through the checkpoint but needed secondary screening.
So TSA screens old ladies to make sure that terrorists don’t bring guns on planes, and then lets an old lady with a gun on a plane. Just. Fuggin’ Wow.
Warren Buffet Pays Lip Service To Promise
January 19th, 2012 by The SniperWarren Buffett will be writing a check made out to the United States Treasury for just over $49,000 to help pay down the national debt.
He’s matching voluntary contributions made this year and last year by Rep. Scott Rigell, a Republican representing Virginia.
In his challenge, issued in a Time Magazine interview last week, Buffett promises to match voluntary contributions aimed at reducing the deficit by “all Republican members of Congress, and I’ll even go three for one with (Senate Minority Leader Mitch) McConnell.”
McConnell, and other critics of Buffett’s call for higher tax rates on the super-rich, have been suggesting that if Buffett thinks he’s not taxed enough then he should “send in a check” to the Treasury.
Rigell says he makes it a practice to donate 15 percent of his Congressional salary “to pay down the debt.” That amounted to $23,103.33 in 2011 and about $26,100 in 2012.
Now, some people would say this is awesome but I say that it’s just smoke and mirrors made to make Buffett look like the sage, generous, and self-sacrificing martyr that he wants to portray himself as but here is the deal: it’s all bullshit. Rigell paid 15 percent of his annual income. FIFTEEN percent. If Warren Buffett really wanted to put his money where his mouth is he should have donated the same percentage, not the same amount, because the same percentage of Buffett’s yearly income would have been substantially larger. Considering that, according to Huffington Post, Buffett’s income in 2010 was $62,855,038.00 (yeah, that’s million), fifteen percent would have been more like $9,428,255.70. which is a helluva lot more than the $26,100.00 that Buffet actually shelled out. In fact, what Buffet paid was about four thousandths of a percent of what he made in 2010. But CNBC is treating this like Buffet is the Jesus Christ of fiscal bailouts to the government.
Am I angry or disappointed that Buffett is writing checks to help out the country? No, not a bit. But using his 4 thousandths of a percent of a donation to try to prove his point that the higher tax brackets need to pay a higher percentage is ludicrous considering he can’t even abide by his own criteria voluntarily when it is, indeed, his own idea. If Rigell had paid the same percentage as Buffet he would have paid $72.25 and he would have been summarily mocked for his lack of sincerity by the MSM but for some reason that same MSM is lauding Buffett for what amounts to a pittance in comparison to Rigell’s donation.
Warren, if you want to play the knight in shining armor that comes riding in to the rescue, you at least have to be putting forth the same effort that all of the other soldiers are putting forth or you need to shut your mouth and quit trying to dictate the battle. Unless or until Buffett is willing to do that, he needs to climb off his high horse.
If You Attack The First Amendment Today, The Second Amendment Will Avenge It Tomorrow: Kill SOPA
January 18th, 2012 by The SniperSOPA Is Oppression
January 18th, 2012 by The SniperSex Bots: Version 1.0
January 12th, 2012 by The SniperFrom PCMag.com:
LAS VEGAS—RealTouch wants to bring teledildonics to Afghanistan. Company manager Scott Rinaldo, appearing at a CES party sponsored by porn firm Pink Visual, said he’s working on distributing “a thousand dildos for the military wives”—in this case, Internet-connected sex toys that can let families thousands of miles apart get intimate.
I’m not sure if he’s being skeezy or sweet here. Let me start with the technology. RealTouch is a slightly terrifying, synthetic orifice that lives in a plastic tube and connects to a computer. Based on data from an Internet connection, the unit warms up, lubes up, pulses and grips any item stuck into it. On the other end of a connection, a “performer”—who could be a paid “cam girl,” or the aforementioned military wife—hand-operates a sensor-covered rod to run the motors in the RealTouch.
Okay, this is totally awesome and all, but I have just a few questions:
1. How much bandwidth will this thing suck up?
2. If you are having a cyberteledildonic tender moment with your wife and your dog runs up and starts using her end of the connection as a chew toy, does it lop your crank off?
3. If your wife leaves and one of your kids off camera grabs it, are you then a child molester? A tele-child molester?
4. Does it work with cartoons?
5. Do they have a smaller version for back door action?
6. Do they have one with teeth for oral?
7. Since the repeal of DADT, do they have one that comes with a mustache?
8. Can’t my wife just send me an e-mail that she has a headache without me needing to shell out a couple hundred bucks for her to refuse me a hand-job from 11,000 miles away?
9. Just where in the MWR hut do they expect me to use this?
10. Won’t my sock get jealous?
Some Thoughts On The Last Year And The Last Year
January 2nd, 2012 by The SniperOnce again I am supplicating for forgiveness to my ever dwindling readership for my absence. I haven’t written anything since last November and even then my posting was spotty at best. I think that maybe I got a little burnt out with writing after doing so much research and churning out so many papers last semester that I just really didn’t feel like writing anything for a while. I may continue the trend, but then again I might not. I did want to say thank you, though, to all of the people that stopped by and left their comments or even just read any of my ramblings over the last year. With rare exception, most of you were supportive and respectful in your comments even if you didn’t agree with me or with other commenters. I appreciated your input and hope that you will pop by again. Those of you that were humorless, uptight prigs who didn’t get the idea that this blog is primarily about humor, douchebags who thought this was their private forum for telling me how much they hated [a: me, b: people like me:, or c: anybody who didn’t think like they did], and spammers can go fellate a herpetic komodo dragon.
With the admin out of the way, let’s get down to things, shall we? 2011 is over and it is the start of a new year. The last year wasn’t really all that great and, if some ancient Mayan calendar makers are correct, this year isn’t looking so hot, either. I, for one, don’t buy into the whole “last days/Armageddon/Apocalypse” thing. The way I look at it is this: the guy making the calendar had to stop at some point. I mean, my calendar ends on December 31st every year. Does that mean that there isn’t going to be any more years after December? No. It just means that the people making the calendars thought that a five or ten year calendar was a bit excessive considering they could just print out a new one every twelve months. Now, taking into consideration that paper calendars are exceedingly easy to make and we only churn them out annually, don’t you think that the guy that was CARVING A FUCKING CALENDAR INTO STONE might get some writer’s cramp eventually? Like, maybe at the five thousand year mark? I’m guessing he probably would. I think it’s funny how we mock every Bible-thumping, Revelations-reading religious zealot with a doomsday prediction, bad hair, and a cult, but for some reason we think that the apocalyptic prognostications of primitives in loin cloths who gave blood sacrifices to the sun and couldn’t master such modern day banalities as air-travel, medicine, harnessing the atom, and basic hygiene are spot-on. These were people that thought European guys wearing Van Dykes, handle bar moustaches, tights, and poofy pantaloons were gods and for some reason we’re giving credence to their predictions that a mixture of blood and panthers will pour down from the heavens like a deluge of feline fury and hemoglobin-borne pathogens as if they were some kind of messianic meteorologists. I mean, really.
All of that criticism aside, however, I have to say that if the world does have to end in one big hoopla, I think I would prefer a Central American Mythos Apocalypse to a Judeo-Christian Apocalypse. First of all, I think the Central American end of days would be a lot quicker than the Biblical version. If I’m not mistaken (which I probably am because I read the Bible about a thousand times less than people read Family Circus in the comics and find it funny) the whole Biblical end of days lasts about a thousand years or so whereas as the Mayan version is over pretty quick. Now, I will give the Biblical version credit in that it includes the dead rising from the grave and walking the Earth and that reallllly goes a long way toward satisfying my zombie Apocalypse vent, but I’m not sure if Biblical zombies are as easy to kill as sci-fi zombies so I’m going to keep that one on the back burner as far as preferences are concerned. The Central Americans also have better means of destruction if you ask me. I mean, a rainstorm of blood and jaguars? You can’t beat that. And while I know that it’s mixing up mythos, I imagine the whole Mexican-themed destruction party headed up by Cthulhu. Now don’t get me wrong, I imagine the Revelations version of the end of the world with hail, fire, blood, the Four Horsemen, trumpets and Wormwood and all that is pretty freakin’ impressive but, again, we’re talking a thousand years here; I get bored when there is a five minute lull in an action movie. Add to that the ultimate hypocrisy as Jesus comes back to kick ass and take names after a couple thousand years of preaching about turning the other cheek, and I think the Mayans have a winner here.
But since I don’t think the world will end, I will probably be found at 11:59 pm on December 20th of this year piss drunk and looking toward the skies to watch for what could be my possibly impending but more probably impotent means of destruction. If Cthulhu or Jesus shows up, I’m sure they’ll understand if I shit my pants; not out of fear, but because I will be drunk and I will think I have to fart but it will be more substantial.
Massive Douchebaggery At Iowa State
December 7th, 2011 by The SniperMy good friend Mothax at The Burn Pit deconstructs a moronic professor at ISU who not only claims that US soldiers abroad are making more anti-US terrorists, but are somehow “gallantly garbed”. “Gallantly garbed”? Who the fug would ever use those two words to describe a bunch of guys wearing a conglomeration of varying shades of brown, carrying half their body weight, and who hadn’t bathed in weeks? I mean, really. What a tool. Anyway, go check out his take down of this d-bag and his evidence to the contrary.
An Interesting Little Tidbit Of Information
November 26th, 2011 by The SniperSupporting Occupy Wall Street has become very vogue for the far left just as supporting the Tea Party was (and to an extent, still is) popular on the right with one glaring difference: the people that supported the Tea Party weren’t the targets of the protests much while many that support the Occupy Wall Street movement are. Just for a little example, lets look at some celebrities that have publicly supported the OWS crowd and even gone down to join the protests: Yoko Ono, Russell Simmons, Roseanne Barr, Deepak Chopra, Kanye West, Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon, Michael Moore, Tim Robbins, and Nancy Pelosi. Together, the net worth of these ten people is over $1.3 billion dollars. Yes, that was billion with a “B”. So the rich people that the OWS protestors want to take down were standing among them, yet they did nothing other than applaud them. But they are still in Zucotti Park and elsewhere across the country protesting other rich people. I guess if you are rich and earn your money in a suit working long hours everyday or you own your own business, you are detestable, but if you are rich and FAMOUS and you earn your money by making misleading statements about the military and making propaganda disguised as documentaries, being a talentless slag that rides on the coat tails of her dead husband and breaks up super groups, making a career by taking off your clothes and pretending you are someone you are not, stealing someone’s rightful moment of honor at an awards show, selling overpriced hip-hop albums and opening a high interest rate credit company aimed at poor inner-city dwellers, getting fake butt-raped on screen, disrespecting the National Anthem by purposely butchering it and grabbing your crotch, or as a politician that thinks the general public is too stupid to realize that they’re getting screwed and getting pissed when we don’t all just bend over, you are totally cool and part of the 99%.
Yeah, makes TOTAL sense.
Following A Meme…
November 23rd, 2011 by The Sniper
UC Tehran
UC Hanoi
UC Davis Air Show
And pie.
Hypocricy And Those Not Smart Enough To Recognize It
November 23rd, 2011 by The SniperYou know what is about as stupid as a bag of hammers? Having a millionaire one-percenter join your protest against the “1%” and not having the brains or integrity to kick his ass out before he makes a self-serving statement because you’re too star-struck to realize that HE is one of the fucking guys that you’re protesting.
In case you haven’t noticed, the rest of Hollywood has remained wisely mum about these protests and there is a very, very good reason for that: they are the 1%, too. They were are least smart enough to shut the hell up: Michael Moore, however, actually believes his own bullshit. All fifty million dollars worth of it.
So I Was Thinking…
November 22nd, 2011 by The Sniper
Aren’t Batman, Iron Man, a good chunk of the Fantastic Four, Charles Xavier (from the X-Men), and numerous other super heroes all super rich? Wouldn’t that make them the 1%? Just sayin’.
Russian Cops
November 21st, 2011 by The SniperOccupy Peter North Street
November 21st, 2011 by The Sniper
Oh, he’ll make you cry alright. His pepper spray is just MONEY.
